Crowning American royals might be worthwhile, come to think of it

In the wake of Harry and Meghan’s estrangement from the British royal family, a columnist in The New York Times suggested that perhaps America could use a royal family of its own. One benefit, she explained, was that Americans wearing crowns could perform all the important ceremonial functions — such as cutting ribbons and pardoning Thanksgiving turkeys — while our elected officials could go about the actual work for which they are paid: running the country.

I have no particular feelings about royal families in general, although I have occasionally wondered why every public appearance by Queen Elizabeth apparently requires her to have a purse dangling from her arm. And what does she have in it, her

American Express card? (Don’t leave the palace without it.)

But I do have extensive first-hand experience with the British royal family.

When Prince Charles visited Ohio during his tour of the United States in 1977, my newspaper assigned me to cover his appearance at the Cleveland Clinic. The crowd that gathered outside the hospital for that included a number of protesters, including a Brit I interviewed who sneeringly referred to the prince’s family as “the royal leeches.” And when reporters on hand were invited inside for a meetand-greet with the prince, I dutifully took my place in the receiving line, wondering if I was supposed to bow, shake his hand or curtsy. I don’t remember what I did when he got to me, but I’m sure I said something memorable, such as “uh … hi.”

Four years later, when Prince Charles and Lady Diana got married, I sent them a copy of a book I had written. In return, I received a letter from Buckingham Palace personally signed by a rearadmiral saying, “Their

Royal Highnesses much appreciated receiving the delightful book you have written.” They probably read it on their honeymoon.

Despite all these close ties with the royals, I’m not sure America is ready for nobility. There is, for one thing, that line in the Constitution declaring, “No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States,” although the Constitution says a lot of things over which people in Washington tend to quibble. And, according to some estimates, the cost to support the Windsors in Great Britain last year was the equivalent of $450 million. American taxpayers might balk at paying that much to a family whose primary function is to stand on balconies and wave.

On the other hand, following the kerfuffles involving an American royal family could serve as a welcome distraction from the shenanigans involving America’s politicians.

The $450 million might be well worth it.