Local interracial couple’s post about small-town racism goes viral
Since the killing of George Floyd while in the custody of Minneapolis police, a movement to end systematic racism has erupted all over the world. The Black Lives Matter movement has also taken shape in the Dayton region, where protests and demonstrations have paved the way for change within the community. Now, more than ever, difficult conversations surrounding racism are taking place around the community.
One local couple’s Facebook post about their experiences with racism has gotten national and international attention.
On June 20, Pam and Walter Chandler of West Carrollton shared in a Facebook post some of the challenges they face as an interracial couple living in the Dayton area. A few weeks later, that post has been seen and shared by nearly 130,000 people, many of whom can relate to the struggles of being an interracial couple.
“I literally receive emails and messages daily from all across the globe,” Pamela Chandler told us in an interview. “After I shared my story, I never expected it to go past my personal page, you know? It’s been shared so much by so many people. People are reaching out to me from New Zealand, China, India, Australia…” In the post, Pamela, who is white, goes through a list of struggles that she and her husband, Walter, who is black, face on a nearly daily basis, from fearing for her husband’s safety as he drives home late at night after working second shift to dealing with the subtle racism they say exists in their own neighborhood.
In the comments of the post and via private messages and emails, the Chandlers have received hundreds of messages from other interracial couples around the world. Nearly all of them directly related to the idea of subtle racism existing in communities across the country.
Subtle racism is embedded in the language and actions of white people who may not even realize that they are being racist, Pamela explained. “It’s low-key, subtle racism that exists that people don’t realize is happening. It’s calling my 45-year-old husband ‘boy.’ It’s saying the word ‘colored’ to refer to a person of color,” she explained.
It’s this subtle racism — like being pulled over by the police if Walter is driving or being forced to produce a receipt after leaving a store with a cart full of groceries — that the couple says has forced them to live a completely different life than that of a white couple.
“I’ve spent the majority of my life as a white person who’s always given the benefit of the doubt, so it was such a stark contrast to what I encountered with Walter,” Pamela said. “He is automatically perceived as guilty, and so he has to take steps to get himself into position where he would not get into trouble. I don’t think it’s a rare thing, and I think that’s what the majority of the feedback has been to me… This is happening in every city. I mean, according to my inbox, even every country.”
For Walter, who is from the Bronx in New York City, this version of small-town living has
forced him to completely change the way he interacts with people as a form of selfpreservation, he said. Before moving here, the couple lived in Washington Court House, Pamela’s hometown.
“When I moved from New York, we moved to a small farm town in Ohio and I was shocked by the lack of diversity,” Walter said. “I’m from The Bronx, so a train ride every day meant I crossed paths with at least 50 different races and cultures. I met a lot of nice people in that small town but the majority were white, which was definitely an adjustment. I’m a big guy so no one ever threatened me outright, but I had people that didn’t want to sit by me or made me feel unwelcome, stared, and made comments under their breath, and that was obviously not a good feeling.”
Eventually, the couple moved to Dayton to raise their now 4-year-old daughter, Jasmine, to feel more at ease in a more diverse environment. And, although the new locale is more accepting than their last, Pamela points out that she still encounters subtle (and sometimes, even overt) racism within her own neighborhood in West Carrollton. “If we walk the dog every night, our neighbors will say hi to my husband, Walter,” said Pamela. “They are friendly right to your face, but when they’re with their buddies, they’re dropping the N-word.”
The Black Lives Matter movement is shedding light on inequities that exist in many aspects of the couple’s (and other people’s) everyday lives, they said. Pamela and Walter Chandler are hopeful people will become more cognizant of their biases and work to change those biases.
“At the end of the day, we’re all connected, whether you like it or not,” Pamela said. “There’s no such thing as other people’s problems. It should be everyone’s problem, right? A lot of racism and prejudice comes from fear, and fear is oftentimes because it’s like, unknown to them, right? The more you speak with people, like, talk to your neighbor who might be of a different color, get to know people outside of your own race, talk, show your experiences, and we can watch how quickly the fear will go away. I think that’s the goal. We need to make these human connections.”
After their Facebook post went viral, the couple created a blog and a separate Facebook page dedicated to documenting their life as an interracial family. You can find these by visiting thechandlercrew.com or The Chandler Crew on Facebook.