Husband’s friend moved in and has no plans to leave
DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend lives with us, and I love him like a brother. The problem is, he has no degree and no car and aspires to nothing more than work in fast food part time. We took him in to help him get through a bad divorce, and now it seems like he'll never be able to leave.
He doesn't make enough money to support himself and has no ambition for completing his education. My husband is convinced there is no path for him to better himself. Since I'm supporting all three of us, this has become a serious bone of contention. How can I improve this situation?
-- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA DEAR FRUSTRATED:
You should not be supporting all three of you. Be prepared to be the "bad guy" and stop the gravy train now. Your husband's best friend's career limitations should not be your problem, so give him a deadline to leave and insist upon it, with the help of your husband. If that doesn't solve your problem, you may need the help of a lawyer for guidance.
DEAR ABBY: When I had my two children in my 40s, I had zero idea of how hard it would be. One has autism; the other has ADHD. My child with ADHD is very self-confident and refuses to do what we ask him to do. He's 15 and very smart, but he's not able to take care of himself.
When do you stop being "the parent" and let them take care of themselves? Parenting is much harder than anything I've ever done. -- DIFFICULT IN TEXAS
DEAR DIFFICULT: Some parents start teaching their children to be independent well before their teens by giving them responsibilities. Others do it as their children mature and feel that by age 18 or 21 their supervision is no longer necessary. There are also parents who feel their job is never over and encourage their adult children to remain dependent into their 30s, 40s and beyond.
Unfortunately, parenthood doesn't come with a rule book, so the decision about when and how to step back is up to you and their father, if he is present in their lives.
DearAbby iswritten by AbigailVan Buren, also known asJeanne Phillips, andwas founded by hermother, PaulinePhillips. ContactDear Abby atwww.DearAbby. comorP.O. Box69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
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