Texts to new friend arouse wife’s suspicions
Dear Abby: My husband is currently at a job that, at first, he complained was a “drag.” It later became a place he seemed to be OK working at.
A newmale employee was hired — aman who is on his secondmarriage — and he became friendly withmy husband. Over the last fewmonths I have noticedmy husband texting him quite often during his days off, including at night.
One day I confronted him after I checked his phone to see what they were texting and saw he had deleted some messages, even those he had shared withme as they were texting. He admitted that he had asked him about his firstmarriage and divorce sincewewere having some issues and said that’s why he deleted the messages.
Whenmy husband starts drinking at home, he starts texting him, occasionally throughout the night until he goes to bed. He deletes all thosemessages so I can’t see them. What do you think is going on? Even on days he is off, he goes by his job to take care of something or help out. — Suspicious in Texas
Dear Suspicious: What I think is going on is less important by far thanwhat YOU think is going on. It appears your husband has found a kindred spirit in this newemployee. Dumping on his co-worker about problems in your marriagewon’t lead to satisfactory conclusions.
The two of you need to resolve your issues — including the fact that you no longer trust him— by talking themthrough with a licensedmarriage and family counselor. Please don’t wait until the situation deteriorates further to consult one.
Dear Abby:
I was involved in a nearly fatal car accident some years ago. My problem is people are always tellingme I should be over it by now, and there shouldn’t be anymore complaints at this late date.
Well, that one day changedmy life drastically. I’mstill healing emotionally, not to mention there are lifelong injuries Iwill never be able to overcome. My back is in constant pain, and I can no longer lift anything. I also get daily horrificmigraines.
Because of that, I lost the best job I ever had.
People can be insensitive, patronizing and just plain rude if I mention any current issues regardingmy condition. Most times I respond aggressively; at others, I trymy best not to be offended by their lack of empathy. While I certainly don’t want or need pity, the fact thatmy near-death experience is shrugged off as just an “incident” bothers me greatly. Whatmore can I do? Or should I just stay silent and countmy blessings? — Survivor in Missouri
Dear Survivor: There is nothingmore you can do, other than politely refuse if you are asked to do something that’s now beyond your capacity. As you have discovered, responding aggressively is counterproductive.
Because these individuals have conveyed that they no longer want to hear about your accident, youmay have to confide in a willing friend or a licensed therapistwhen you need to get things off your chest. The lattermight bemore satisfying than trying to talk to people who can no longer tolerate hearing about something they have no solution for.