Cousin unwelcome during family visit
Dear Abby: My husband and I and our children moved across the country away fromour families three years ago. My 9-year-old daughter is extremely close tomymom. Mom wants to take a road trip and spend a weekwith us. We are all excited. However, she wants to bring alongmy grandma andmy younger cousin, who is 12.
My grandma has partial custody of my cousin. The girl had a rough upbringing, and I don’t want her to come. She throws temper tantrums, demands to be the center of attention and, when it doesn’t happen, starts acting up. I don’t trust her aroundmy daughters.
Mom hates controversy and turns a blind eye to the behavior. How can I get across that we want Mom and Grandma to come but to leavemy cousin at home?
— Proceeding With Caution
Dear Proceeding: Say it in plain English as you have to me. You have a right to protect your daughters fromwhat you perceive to be a bad influence.
You mentioned your grandmother shares custody of this girl. Perhaps Grandma can leave her with that person for aweek. However, once you have drawn the line, be prepared for the possibility that your mothermay cancel the trip.
Dear Abby: I am53 and have been divorced for more than 10 years. While we were going through the divorce, my ex and I went to counseling. Unfortunately, it couldn’t save ourmarriage. However, I learned a lot during those sessions about how to be a better partner because I recognized themistakes I had made duringmymarriage.
I amcurrently dating a womanmy age. Whenwe disagree, I trymy best to use what I learned. The problem is, my girlfriend employs a lot of the bad behaviors fromwhich I evolved. I see it clearly, but you can’t teach someone during an argument. How do we get on the same page? We love each other, so itwould be nice to fine-tune our adversity to make it healthy and productive.
— Wanting Better in the East
DearWanting: Communication is all-important in relationships, as is the ability to fight fair when disagreements arise. Wait until your lady friend is calm, then suggest the two of you seek couples counseling together. It will not only help you tomake your relationship “healthier and more productive,” it will also help the two of you growcloser by addressing any differences that might prevent it from developing further.
Dear Abby: One ofmy friends is a drama queen. Whenever things don’t go the way she wants, she freaks out andmakes a big deal out of everything. Itmakes the timeswe spend together hard, because my other friends and I are scared we’ll start another fight with her.
What can I do to make her stop making a big deal out of everything? — No More Drama Queen
Dear NoMore: Your friendmay be high strung, or shemay simply create drama in order to get attention. Understand that you can’t “make” her stop doing it, but if you and your friends ignore her antics, shemay tone it down when she realizes they aren’t bringing the reaction she’s looking for. If that doesn’t work, stop including her as often.