Dating during an election year
Political beliefs aren’t just shared early in a relationship these days— they’re being used upfront as a way toweed out unlikelymatches.
It’s a relationship
“rule” we’ve heard from our friends, parents and grandparents alike: Stay away from controversial subjects on a first date. But while not bringing up exes or religion can be pretty simple, avoiding talk about politics seems almost impossible — especially as the 2020 presidential election draws near, dominating headlines as well as headspace.
Political beliefs aren’t just shared early in a relationship these days — they’re being used upfront as a way to weed out unlikely matches.
As a dating coach, I see it all the time on profiles: “Trump supporters need not apply” or “I’m not voting for Biden, and I don’t want to date someone who is.” Maybe someone waves a Biden flag or wears a “Make America Great Again” hat in one of their photos. Match and many other websites even allow you to state your political affiliations along with your hometown and college, with options like “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” (and vice versa) and “independent” among the options.
So, how early in getting to know someone should you bring up politics? The answer is not so simple.
If you’re someone who votes in the presidential election and doesn’t think much about politics in your day-to-day life, you can wait a little longer before bringing up the topic with a potential partner. But if you’re someone who does your research on different candidates, follows their every move on social media, and participates in your political party’s events, it’s clearly an important part of your life and should be addressed sooner.
Of course, there are plenty of successful couples who have differing beliefs on major topics like politics and religion, and cutting ties with someone based on who they plan to vote for could be losing out on meeting a really great person. Think about your friend group: I’m sure there are some people in your life who worship a different god, celebrate different holidays, or hold their faith on a different level ... yet you can’t imagine life without them. The same goes for politics.
With the country so divided at this moment, however, dating someone with opposing (or even simply not the same) political beliefs seems less common than ever.
According to an October 2019 Pew Research survey of more than 4,800 people, seven out of 10 “Democratic daters” said they probably or definitely wouldn’t consider dating someone who voted for President Donald Trump in the 2016 election.
In addition, about 43% of Democratic singles said they likely or definitely wouldn’t date a selfdescribed Republican, while about 24% Republicans said they likely or definitely wouldn’t date a self-described Democrat.
“Other recent Pew Research Center surveys have found that sizable shares of partisans are likely to associate negative traits such as ‘closedminded’ and ‘immoral’ with members of the opposite political party, and many find it stressful and frustrating to talk about politics with people who don’t share their political views,” the study said.
When the time comes to discuss politics with a romantic partner, remember that it’s very easy to put someone in a box — you may assume because they voted a certain way, they must agree with every aspect of that political party. Of course, it’s rarely so straightforward. Instead of immediately writing off someone from the other side of the aisle, why not discuss why they lean the way they do without being judgmental. Perhaps after you hear what they have to say, you’ll find you’re not so different after all.
Erika Ettin is the founderofA Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidatingworld of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join hernewsletter, eepurl.com/dpHcHfor updates and tips.