Man did not fight for ex because he’s too macho
Dear Abby: I was married to my wife for 29 years, and I have nowbeen divorced for two. I have tried tomove on, but I can’t because I still love her. She initiated the divorce because she thought I cheated on her. I didn’t fight her because I was too macho.
I don’t know if Imiss her or feel sorry for myself because I haven’t been with a woman inmore than two years. I’mattracted to women who are at least 15 years younger thanme or who aremarried.
I have been on two dating sites for almost a year and evenmoved back to the state wheremy ex-wife lives hoping that one day she will askme out. I’ve been throwing hints her way and have even written her letters, but she still thinks I cheated. I ache for her. What should I do?
— Fighting Chance in the East
Dear Fighting Chance: Yourmarriage is history, and your “exaggerated masculinity” caused it. I am struck by the fact that nowhere in your letter did you deny that what your ex-wife thought was true. I don’t understand what being “macho” has to do with not denying you cheated. What you should do now is learn from it, grow from it and move on.
Dear Abby: My husband and his father had a falling out. My husband’s father now has hired a lawyer to get the pictures and Vietnammedals back that he had given my husband as a gift years ago. This is his only son.
We have two sons whom my husband would like to pass themedals down to. He knows if he gives the medals back that hemay never see themagain because his dad has a girlfriend now who wants them. She’s behind him pursuing the issue with a lawyer.
How can I helpmy husband? Should he give in to his father’s demands and return themedals and pictures, or should he fight to keep them? — Middle of aMess
Dear Middle: How old are your sons? Because of this rift, do they still have a relationship with their grandfather? Would they appreciate the warmedals and understandwhat they stand for?
My feeling is that you should stay out of the line of fire and allow your husband and his own lawyer to fight this battle. However, you MAY be able to sway the outcome if you or your sons write your father-in-lawa warmletter telling himhow sad you feel about the situationand that his medals are heirlooms they and THEIR childrenwould treasure in the future. Then cross your fingers.
Dear Abby: At what age does a person stop calling an older neighbor “Mrs.” or “Mr.”? I was born next door and still live here, so I don’t know what to call my neighbors anymore.
— Grown Up North
Dear Grown: Before children reach adulthood, it is considered respectful to call adults “Mr.” and “Mrs.” Not knowing your neighbors, I can’t guess how formal theymay be. Because using their first names has not been your practice and you don’t want to risk offending them, ask THEMwhat they would like to be called in light of the fact that you are all adults. Erring on the side of respect will never be wrong.