Living with ex-husband goes from bad to worse
Dear Abby: Although I have been divorced from my ex for eight years, we still live together. There is not — nor will there ever be — more than a platonic relationship between us, and I havemade that abundantly clear to him.
It wasn’t always a bad situation, but now it’s worse than I could have ever imagined it would be. He drinks heavily on a daily basis and becomes verbally abusive. He has a woman over a lot, and I can’t sleep when she’s here.
She’s a drunk, too, and she also abuses her prescriptionmedications. At least half the time when she’s here, I have to lift her passed-out body off the floor and drag her off to his bedroom. She stealsmoney, cigarettes, food and booze all the time.
He dismisses me when I bring up her behavior. He tellsme to shut up or get out. I pay for everything except the rent and homeowner’s insurance. Cable, electric, oil, propane and groceries aremy responsibility. I also do all the inside and outside chores. I earn less than he does, but I pay more than he does.
He tellsme what to eat and who I can talk to. I can’t have company. Yet he wants to know why I’mnot dating. I can’t save anymoney so I can get out. I’mstuck, and he knows it. What do I do?
— Horrible Situation in Maine
Dear Horrible Situation: You owe thisman nothing. You are being treated like a serf, and it has been going on far too long. If you have family or friends you can stay with until you save enough for a place of your own, start asking now. That should enable you to save more money because you won’t be paying for cable, electricity, propane, etc. for your ex.
Dear Abby: I amat high risk for COVID. My oldest son and his family live an hour and a half away. They have two children at home. Their daughter is also at high risk.
During this pandemic, they have continually posted photos of themselves and the kids maskless with friends, hugging each other and acting as if life is normal. My daughterin-law has toldme she’s “scared” and does the “wear amask” thing and shares routine online posts, etc., yet she continues having people over.
In normal circumstances, it’s difficult for me to visit. I want to visit them, but every time I consider it, I see themon socialmedia with someone else, sans mask and no social distancing. I’msure they would say their friends are all healthy, but none of us can know for certain who their friends have been around. It’s like dominoes, and it’s scary.
I don’t knowhow to explain this to them because I know theywill feel I’mbeing ridiculous. Also, my DIL is super sensitive and would be hurt and insulted. I love them. I don’t want to alienate them. I’mready to just take my chances, althoughmy other daughter is against it. What should I do? — Cautious in New York
Dear Cautious: Many people have grown complacent aboutmask wearing and social distancing. That’s unfortunate because, as I write this, “mask fatigue” has led to an increase in the number of people testing positive for the virus. Your concerns are valid, and I hope you will stick to your guns.