Mom is pressured to teach native language to her kid
Dear Abby: I came to this country 30years ago, at 16. My parents were very abusive and neglectful, somy uncle in the U.S. tookme in. I have worked with therapists, and mymind is clear about my past.
I nowhave a 14-year-old daughter. I do not speak to her inmy native language. It is not very good at expressing love and caring, and has more emphasis on strict hierarchy and obedience.
There aremany things I cannot convey inmy native language. One must understand the huge cultural difference betweenmy native country and the U.S. In addition, I do not want to forcemy daughter to learn something because someone other than her insisted. I prefer to spend my resources helping her learn something she is interested in.
If she says she wants to learnmy native language, I’ll teach her. So far, she has shown no interest. My friends criticize me for not teaching it to her. I’m bothered by their insistence that I’mrobbingmy daughter of the opportunity to learn it. How do I tell them it is none of their business? — Reader in Hawaii
Dear Reader: Your daughtermay not have asked to learn your native language because it hasn’t occurred to her that it might one day be a valuable asset. I do think you should offer to teach it to her if she’s interested in knowing more about the culture that shaped her mother, because her answermight surprise you.
That said, because your friends’ comments bother you, tell themthat because you don’t tell themhow to raise their children, you prefer they not tell you how to raise yours.
Dear Abby: I have a unique problem, and if it isn’t resolved, I’m afraidmy marriage is going to end in divorce. Ten years ago, at my brother-in-law’s wedding, I was left in charge of the bar. I got drunk andmade a fool of myself. This included overtly flirting with one of the bridesmaids. I’m incredibly sorry about the embarrassment it caused my wife.
Fast-forward to today: My wife has accusedme of inappropriate behavior and hundreds of affairs that never happened. I have been faithful to her since we started dating.
She goes through my business phone and accusesme andmy professional contacts of sexual behavior. I have offered to take a polygraph exam, but she continues to accuseme of infidelity. I’m at my wits’ end, and marriage counseling isn’t an option. — Not Fooling Around inMaine
Dear Not Fooling: Marriage counselingmay not be an option for you and your wife, but YOU should definitely consult a licensed psychotherapist. Something is not right with your wife. Is it possible that thewedding incident so severely unbalanced her that she has never recovered?
What you have described is amiserable existence for both of you. That it has gone unresolved for a decade is tragic. Where you need to go fromhere I cannot decide for you, but a therapistmay be able to guide you.