There’s not much guidance in the grandpa game

The first time a child looked in my direction and called out “Grandpa,” I glanced over my shoulder to see who was standing behind me. I was only in my 40s at the time, and there was no way he could have been talking to me.

Eight grandkids later, I’ve come to grips with the reality that I am, and have been for some time, a grandfather. But I still don’t know if I’m doing it right.

Apparently, I’m not the only one. As a recent article in The New York Times noted, “In popular culture, grandfathers typically are checked out.” In other words, there’s not a lot of information out there about what they should do. Or how they should do it.

“There’s limited recent research about grandfathering, and the cultural expectations for how grandfathers should behave are hazy,” the story reported.

When a grandfather in Massachusetts quoted in the story looked for blogs on the subject, he found dozens for grandmothers, but none for grandfathers. So he started one of his own. A grandfather in Georgia searched for grandfather references in popular culture and the best he could come up with was “Bad Grandpa,” a movie about a lecherous alcoholic.

We can’t even agree on what to call our grandfathers. USA Today published a list of 70 “nicknames to consider for the grandfather in your life.” They included “Big Daddy,” “Grandude,” “Papster” and “PeePaw.” Three of my grandchildren refer to me as “Grumpa.” (I have no idea why. But I’ll take that any day over “PeePaw,” which sounds like some sort of urinary condition.)

There are some aphorisms paying tribute to grandfathers, although not nearly as many — or as affectionate — as the ones about grandmothers.

On a site dedicated to “Grandparents Quotes to Warm Your Heart and Remind You of Who Loves You the Most,” the score was grandmothers 39, grandfathers 16.

■ “Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting.”

■ “Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies.”

■ “A grandma is someone who’s dear in every way. Her smile is like the sunshine that brightens each new day.”

■ “Grandfathers are just antique little boys.”

Ultimately, I suppose, my performance as a grandfather has to be graded on how — or if — my grandchildren think of me.

Maybe it’s, “Grandpa makes us pancakes on Sunday mornings.”

Or, perhaps, “Grandpa is the one who shows up for all our sports events, even when it’s raining.”

It might even be, “Grandpa is the one who comes to our house and drinks all of our dad’s vodka.”

But maybe the best I should hope for is, “Grandpa is that guy who brings grandma to see us.”