How to deal with a teen driver who never comes home on time
Dear Kid Whisperer, I am so stressed out. My 16-year-old has her driver’s license, and she has a car, and is pretty much always one to two hours late. She doesn’t even answer her cell when we call. I’m at a loss.
Answer: Let’s simplify things with a few necessary shifts: Your daughter is not entitled to a cell phone. Your daughter is not entitled to a driver’s license. Your daughter is not entitled to a car. Your daughter is not entitled to freedom. Your daughter is not allowed to stress you out. And you are not responsible for your daughter having a social life. Here’s how I would handle this situation.
Scene I: Kid Comes Home Late
Kid: I know, I know.
I’m “late.”
Kid Whisperer: I am so glad you’re home. I was so worried.
Kid: Aren’t you going to lecture me?
Kid Whisperer: What good would that do? We’ll talk later when I’m not upset. I love you, and I am glad you are safe.
Scene II: The Next Morning
Kid Whisperer: Good morning. I feel better than I did yesterday, but
I am still stressed out. I love you so much, and from now on, I will only allow you to live your life when I know that the way you live your life will not stress me out.
Kid: What’s that supposed to mean?
Kid Whisperer: You have caused a major problem for me. You have made me feel so stressed out that I can barely function. I’ve been so stressed that I have not cleaned the house in days. I’m going to have you do it to take away my stress.
Kid: Forget that, I’m out of here! Where are my car keys?
Kid Whisperer: Oh dear. I have taken your driver’s license, your cell phone and your car keys.
You may want to have a tantrum now. When you are done, chores will be waiting for you.
Kid Whisperer: It will be up to you whether you solve the problem of taking away my stress. Once you have done so, you can go back to having a social life, and you can continue to have a social life as long as you never stress me out. The good news is you will be free to have a social life once you turn 18 and leave the house. I’ll love you no matter what you decide.