Nex Benedict deserved a better world than they got
Nex Benedict will be 16 years old forever.
And while we wait to learn exactly what caused the Oklahoma teenager’s death, we know many things with certainty:
Nex’s final days on this earth were plagued with bullying that targeted the teen’s gender identity.
That bullying erupted into a fight in the Owasso High School bathroom, and landed Nex in the hospital.
The state of Oklahoma and, in particular, the state’s school superintendent, have dehumanized transgender youth by implementing policies and making statements that make life harder on a small percentage of kids known to be at higher risk of bullying and suicide.
We don’t need an autopsy to know Oklahoma failed Nex Benedict
There may be no straight line between Nex’s death and the bullying or the grown-up state officials whose actions have created a permission structure that allows such bullying.
But isn’t the fact that this 16-year-old endured bullying right up until the last day of life reason enough to condemn the circumstances that let any of it happen?
Here’s a simple fact that won’t change, regardless of a final autopsy report: It’s not hard to imagine a world in which Nex felt safe.
In fact, that’s a world far easier to create than the one we’re living in, the one where adults spend hours and days and years building laws and permission structures that encourage others to bully children who want nothing more than a chance to live as their authentic selves.
An open letter signed by more than 350 groups from Oklahoma and across the country called on the state legislature to “immediately remove Ryan Walters from his position as Oklahoma State Superintendent of Public Instruction and to begin an investigation into the Oklahoma Department of Education to determine what actions and policies have led to a culture where rampant harassment” of gender nonconforming students “has been allowed to go unchecked.”
‘Woke gender games’? Official’s language encourages bullying
In response, Walters fell back on bigoted, right-wing platitudes, telling ABC News that he will not “play woke gender games, and I will not back down to a woke mob.”
He continued: “We’ve seen radical leftists who’ve tried to create this idea of gender fluidity, which frankly, it confuses students, and causes all kinds of chaos in the classroom and chaos with families.”
So it’s “radical” to want children to feel safe and accepted? Seems more radical to target children for political gain.
Walters’s views are both devoid of compassion and flatly wrong. As the American Medical Association has stated, “Every major medical association recognizes the vital role of gender-affirming care” and attributed “increased bullying” to the “significantly higher rates of suicidal ideation” among transgender youth.
Oklahoma lawmakers have been openly hostile to LGBTQ+ people
This has been felt in his home state: A 2022 survey from The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ+ crisis intervention organization, found that “48% of LGBTQ youth in Oklahoma seriously considered suicide in the past year, including 55% of transgender and nonbinary youth.”
Oklahoma lawmakers have put restrictions on gender-affirming care and barred transgender students from using school bathrooms that align with their gender identity.
Walters recently hired a rabidly antitrans out-of-state social media figure to serve on the state’s Library Media Advisory Committee, a grotesque political stunt and a blaring insult to every LGBTQ+ person in the state.
None of this intolerance is easy. And there are ways Oklahoma, or any state for that matter, could make the world a better place for a child like Nex.
It is imperative that allies educate themselves and help create that reality. Here are some things you can do.
Respect names and pronouns – it’s not hard to do
If a transgender or nonbinary person tells you they are using different pronouns than what they previously used, practice using them. Make sentences in your head using the person’s correct pronouns. If you make a mistake, apologize without fanfare and remember it next time. The same thing goes for names. If you hear someone else misgender or deadname a transgender person you know, correct them – even if the trans person in question may never know about it.
Monitor anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and vote accordingly
Transphobic legislation mostly appears at the state level. According to the ACLU, state legislators across the country have filed nearly 470 anti-trans bills during the 2024 session. Not all of these bills will become law; in fact, 21 of those bills have already been defeated. They do add to the fear that transgender and nonbinary people in the United States are feeling. Look up what laws are being filed in your state, and who is filing them. Come November, vote with transgender people in mind.
Support and learn from groups that help LGBTQ+ people
Get involved in your state’s LGBTQ+ advocacy group. Freedom Oklahoma has been at the forefront of sharing Nex’s story and promoting candlelight vigils, but they also hold events and provide resources to the community. Every state has a comparable nonprofit, and they deserve your attention, your time and your money.
A child is a child, regardless of identity. Make their life better.
If you know someone who is transgender or nonbinary, know that they are so much more than their gender. They are still your child, your relative, your neighbor or your classmate. Nex’s friends and family say the teenager was an artist who loved to cook and play Minecraft, just like lots of other teens. Check in on the transgender people in your life in this moment of grieving.
There are children like Nex across the country, who know who they are and are trying to exist within a system that punishes them for existing. You can’t legislate them away. Gender diversity has existed for thousands of years across different cultures, and will continue to exist. Transgender children deserve to grow up, and transgender adults deserve to grow old. We are all responsible for making that the reality.
Follow USA TODAY elections columnist Sara Pequeño on X, formerly Twitter, @sara__pequeno and Facebook facebook.com/PequenoWrites. Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk.