Wife is mistaken for mother
DEA MIuu MAnnE u
>> I married my beautiful wife two years ago. We are both professionals in our early 30s in the business world. She is two years older than me. About a year ago, she had an accident and now has to use a cane — something she will probably have to do for the rest of her life. My wife also dresses very modestly, which is an attribute that I love about her and I would never want her to change. Whenever we are out in public or meet new clients, I’ve had people refer to her as my mother instead of my wife.
How do I respond to people when they make an assumption that my wife is my mother?
GEnTLE EADE >> Look around as if the person is seeing someone that you do not, and say, “Oh, no, my mother couldn’t be here.” And then Miss Manners suggests that you pause and say as a separate thought, “Allow me to introduce my wife, Esmerelda.”
DEA MIuu MAnnE u >> I am a young woman with moderate-to-severe hearing loss. I am very open about being hard of hearing, and tell people so it’ll be easier on both of us communicating.
Yet throughout my life, I’ve dealt with comments about how I talk; cruel jokes to “test” my hearing; fake, crude sign-language jokes; accusations of being stuck up or rude; and even name-calling, in response to “ignoring” someone I honestly didn’t hear.
When I ask people if they could repeat themselves or please look at me while talking, I am often met with “never mind” or “I’ll tell you later.” Some people have even taken my husband aside and told him to put me on disability, as though I were too incompetent to make my own decisions. Is there a way to politely deal with such people?
GEnTLE EADE >> “I appreciate your concern” — particularly when their socalled concern is in the form of rude jokes, insults or unhelpful suggestions — “but there are some things I am better off not hearing. If you could kindly speak up, I am sure that I would be better able to respond to any polite remarks you might make.”
DEA MIuu MAnnE u >> I was asked by a friend to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding. She and I are both wondering, however, how to handle breaking this news to others in our friend circle who are not included in the small wedding party (and who are attending the wedding). I’m hoping you can recommend suggestions for phrasing and timing.
GEnTLE EADE >> There is no kind way to say, “Sorry, you just aren’t special enough of a friend to stand up at my wedding.” Allowing the others to accept the oversight graciously (i.e., hearing by word of mouth and without a formal decree) is the only way to handle it. Any hurt feelings will likely be pacified when the others realize the financial pressure and duties that they have narrowly escaped. Miss Manners suggests that you do them the added favor of not suggesting that they contribute anyway.