Husband emails old girlfriends
DEA ABBY >> My husband and I were married for several years, divorced, then remarried 10 years later. During our separation, he had a lot of girlfriends. To this day, he keeps all their contact information. I discovered he has emailed some of them since we’ve been back together. I think he uses email to avoid any phone calls that I would be aware of.
Our marriage is overall going well, but I don’t understand his need to keep up with some of these past “friends.” When we remarried, I deleted all of my past contacts. I’m worried that he’s still attached to at least a few of these women, and I don’t think it’s right. What do you think? It makes me very insecure and upset. What should I do? I’m already in therapy.
— Uneasy in the South
DEA UnEAyY >> Marriage is a choice. Your husband CHOSE to remarry you. I am going to assume that because of your insecurity, you have been hesitant to ask him directly why he feels a need to stay in touch with these women.
Your therapist may be able to help you with this. If he/she is willing to invite him to accompany you for a session, consider posing the question there.
DEA ABBY >> I recently contracted the coronavirus and had a difficult time recovering. It has been three months, and I am still suffering from long-term aftereffects.
When my co-workers and supervisors ask how I’m feeling and I tell them, they almost immediately downplay my response. Some of them ignore my response and tell me, “Oh, that’s not bad. One time, I lost so much hair, blah, blah,” or they say, “Well, you’re working. You’ll be fine.” I feel like it belittles me and makes what I went through seem like a bid for sympathy. How would you recommend I reply? I can’t ignore the people at work.
— Downplayed Up North
DEA DOWnslAYED >> All you need to say is, “If it happens to you, you will understand that I feel lucky to be alive. So many people weren’t.”
DEA ABBY >> I have a question about etiquette. My son is getting married soon. In a conversation with the bride-to-be, I asked if she had chosen a florist and was told that her mom will be making all the wedding flowers out of natural materials. Abby, I hate silk, i.e., “plastic” flowers! Would I be creating a huge problem if I offered to purchase my own wrist corsage from a florist, or should I keep quiet and deal with ugly fake “flowers” with my beautiful dress? Or, can I remove the fake corsage directly after photos are taken?
DEA OFFEnDED mOm >>
The proper thing to do is keep your opinion to yourself and go along with the plans your soon-tobe daughter-in-law and her mother have made. Wear the corsage and your sweetest smile for the wedding photos. After that it shouldn’t cause a problem if you QUIETLY remove it.