Lipstick tips for a masked world

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> What’s the new lipstick rule? There’s got to be one, right?

I remember that a lady was never supposed to refresh her makeup in public, although I used to see women brush- ing their teeth on the bus.

The problem now is not being able to put on lipstick at home because you are going to be wearing a mask. Sure, you can put it on when you arrive wherever you are going, but then others see you do it. And besides, then it’s fresh, and you get it on the glasses when you drink.

GENTLE READER >> This isn’t the beauty department, but Miss Manners would suppose that there are lipsticks or lip pencils that claim to be kiss-proof, or that you can blot into submission — or go for a look that concentrates on the eyes.

She will now scurry back to her own jurisdiction.

It has been a century since etiquette conceded that “ladies who painted” (not a reference to Mary Cassatt) might not be entirely lost to salvation. It permitted them to bring out a tiny compact, preferably jeweled, for a slight touch-up.

This was probably a mistake, because soon they were startling onlookers by drawing on their eyes. As you point out, grooming of all kinds has gone public. You can see the entire routine just by pulling up next to another car at a red light.

But if you promise to limit yourself to a quick application and blotting of lipstick, preferably while you park your coat before appearing to others in your pod, she will grant you an emergency suspension of the old rule.

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> Because of safety concerns, I only invited a select few people to my physical wedding ceremony. Many friends attended virtually.

We received a mix of well wishes, money and gifts from our registry. I was shocked at the spectrum, as the money divide was quite large: Some people gave us $25, some more than $500. I’ve appreciated all the gifts a lot, as I spent as much as a “real” wedding would have cost. And with these crazy times, money is often tight for people.

Some of these friends have upcoming weddings of their own — some virtual, some not. I was under the impression that about $100 per person was the usual amount to give, but it feels awkward giving that when that wasn’t what we received.

If a guest attends virtually (and doesn’t send a gift), do I give more for their physical wedding, even if I don’t attend? If they are having a virtual wedding, do I give them what they gave me? Are gifting rates different from in-person weddings to virtual ones?

GENTLE READER >> Please stop this unseemly accounting. Nobody owed you a cent for getting married. Nor do you need to return the amount given when the donor is married.

If you cared about these people enough to invite them to your wedding, Miss Manners would think that you would want to celebrate theirs. There are no “gifting rates.” But the decent thing is to be generous to those whose circumstances are, as you say, tight.