Virtual dating, actual problems
Every year I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these “Best Of” Q&As from 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: Digital dating.
I also invite readers to subscribe to my new weekly “Asking Amy” newsletter, at Amydickinson. substack.com, where I post advice, as well as my own brand of quirky commentary.
I’ll be back with fresh Q&As next week.
DEAR AMY >> I recently met a wonderful man through an online dating site. He lives in northern Michigan. I live in Minnesota. He is sweet, honest, good, kind and unspoiled, and we had a very nice, fun time during the weekend he came to my town to visit. He thinks a long-distance relationship could work between us, and I believe he could be right.
Early on, before we spoke on the phone, he warned me that he has a certain kind of “northern Michigan/Canadian” accent. I responded, “Oh, you don’t sound like the people in the movie ‘Fargo,’ do you?” Amy, he does! And it really is a discordant note to my ears.
Can I ask him if he’d be willing to work on his accent? Or do I just have to take it or leave it?
— Mystified in
Minneapolis
DEAR MYSTIFIED >> I fail to see what is so awful about this, although you obviously find this grating. But when everyone in North America starts to sound like a news anchor, we will have lost something important, not to mention charming.
Because your friend brought this up before you two spoke, you have to assume that his accent has been a factor in other encounters and relationships, leading one to assume that he might already be working on it.
Please remember that the content of a person’s character will always be more important than his pronunciation.
(May 2011)
DEAR AMY >> After 30 years of a wonderful marriage, I was widowed at the age of 51. At 54, I have dipped my toes into several online dating sites.
My issue is that I used to be quite obese, and since my wife’s death, I have shed 135 pounds. Most of the responses I have gotten are from ladies 10 years either way of my age and from ladies the size I used to be.
I am not interested in dating a large woman. I have lived that lifestyle and do not want to go back.
I get a lot of hateful and abusive responses.
Is it kinder to leave the ladies wondering, or to let them know directly that I am definitely not interested?
— New to Dating
DEAR NEW >> For an expert’s opinion on this, I shared your letter with Bela Gandhi, a dating coach and founder of Smart Dating Academy in Chicago.
She says, “The rules are totally different in online dating. ‘No response’ is the right thing to do when you’re not interested — it’s the polite way of saying, ‘No thanks!’ Who wants to wake up to an inbox full of detailed rejection notes?”
(October 2011)