Rivalry puts sibling in middle

DEAR AMY >> My brother and sister live very close to one another in our hometown.

Until recently, I lived in another state — 2,000 miles away. As siblings, we’ve always been very close.

I recently lost my husband, and after his death I decided to move back home.

My sister tells me that my brother talks behind my back, and my brother tells me that my sister talks behind my back.

This is grade school garbage.

I love them both and I don’t know who to believe.

They no longer talk to one another, and I feel like I’m in the middle.

They can’t even be in the same room together. I don’t know what to do. Please help!

— Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK >> Your experience reminds me of being trapped between my two (occasionally) warring sisters in the back of our mother’s Plymouth Duster.

It was an occasionally tough experience, but great training for two professions: Line judge at Wimbledon, or what I do now, which is listening, watching, and — when invited — weighing in.

Start with this: Do not believe either sibling’s account of the other sibling’s behavior.

For instance, if they aren’t talking to one another, then how do they know that the other sibling is trash-talking you behind your back?

You do not need to mediate or solve anything for them. You DO need to tell the truth to both about how their behavior makes you feel: “I moved across the continent to be closer to you both. I will not choose between you. Currently, however, I find you both very annoying.”

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I are longtime friends with a couple who recently received their COVID vaccine. Though they are in their mid-40s (I’m 60 and my husband is 58), they were able to get the vaccine because they are teachers. They have both been teaching occasionally online for the last year (as have I), and none of us plans to enter an actual classroom any time soon.

In our state, we qualify for the vaccine at age 65, or if we have pre-existing conditions. Our friends, my husband, and I are all healthy adults.

When I asked the wife how she was able to get vaccinated, she informed me that I could get a vaccine, too, if I could provide evidence that I am a teacher. I was shocked. Of course, I could do that, but full-time teachers in my state will be returning to classrooms soon, and I feel that taking a vaccine away from one of them (or a senior citizen!) is just plain wrong.

To make it worse, they have bragged about being vaccinated on social media.

I don’t know what to say to this couple.

— Stumped in California

DEAR STUMPED >> These people slid through a loophole of sorts, and while what they did might be technically allowable, it is deceptive and unethical, and, if they are educators, they know it. It isn’t necessary to say anything to them.