People working from home entitled to breaks too

QMy mother cares for my daughter two days a week while I work from home. However, every time I go downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, put together a quick lunch or use my lunch break to buy groceries or do a load of laundry, I am greeted with “Shouldn’t you be working?” This drives me crazy on a personal, don’t-tellme-what-to-do-Mom level, but part of me is wondering if she is right. Am I allowed to do anything other than work while my mom watches my 4-yearold for free? — Anonymous

A No, your mother is not right. She is, indeed, generous for caring for your daughter twice a week. Her expectation that you should chain yourself to your desk during the workday is strange and unreasonable. Is she teasing you when she asks if you should be working? Is she concerned about your work performance and expressing that concern through micromanagement? Is she just being annoying?

You’re a grown woman. If you are fulfilling your responsibilities, there is nothing wrong with taking breaks during the day, just like you would in the office. And when working from home, it is fairly normal to attend to personal matters occasionally.

The next time your mother asks if you should be working, thank her for her invaluable support, and gently remind her that you are working and entitled to breaks.

This could be a good opportunity to have a conversation about each of your expectations when she is providing child care. She is doing you a favor, but you are allowed to have boundaries.

Q I recently returned to an organization I worked at for many years after a brief absence. Before leaving, I was middle-level management in charge of a small department. When I left, someone succeeded me in the position. About a year after I returned, that person elected to step down and back into a team member role, and I returned to my previous position. There has been no conflict or rancor; I did not resent the person who took my place, and that person specifically asked if I would resume the position before stepping down. We work well together and are friendly outside of work, and I have no wish to endanger either aspect of this relationship.

I am now noticing a pattern I noticed before I left, and I am unsure how to handle it: This person, who elected to step down, often takes steps or makes comments as if to suggest how I should best fulfill my responsibilities. For instance, I asked them to email certain resources to a new team member, and they returned an email suggesting I use a new tech tool we learned about only the day before. Or they messaged me during a training to say they had privately communicated with the same new team member about learning some of the systems we used.

I find these comments and actions infuriating, as they seem to be casting subtle (or not so subtle) aspersions on my decisions, such as gradually building the work with the new team member rather than overloading them with information and meetings. This is even more maddening from someone who stepped down because they felt they were not successful in the role.

Am I being too sensitive to what might be well-intentioned suggestions delivered in what this person considers a tactful way? I fully acknowledge this as a possibility. If not, how might I gracefully handle this situation without offending someone who can be very sensitive and who, I believe, has the potential to become toxic to our team if offended? — Anonymous, Central America

A You say there has been no conflict or rancor, but this is mildly rancorous. You aren’t being too sensitive. Your colleague is trying to usurp your authority or question your judgment in passiveaggressive ways.

I’m not sure if there is a graceful way forward but the next time your colleague engages in this behavior, point it out and explain, firmly but gently, why it’s a problem. Someone who wants to be offended will be offended no matter what you do so focus on being professional, honest, kind and resolute. All you can control is your own behavior.