Family molester should be outed

DEAR AMY >> My youngest brother was arrested 19 years ago and jailed for eight weeks for molesting a 4-yearold child.

He was on probation for 10 years. This was horrible for the child’s family and for my family.

We thought it was a onetime thing.

My brother went on with his life, got married and has a good job.

Very recently five family members (now adults) say he had molested them, too, when they were young.

Each has to decide if they are going to step forward and report it ... now or ever.

His wife has no clue that all of this has transpired, but she has grandchildren.

Should any of us family members tell her for the sake of her grandchildren?

It’s a Pandora’s box, but it seems that something should be said.

My brother has no clue that his secret is out.

Blowing up the family will indeed happen if this gets out. Thoughts?

— Unsure DEAR UNSURE >> My thoughts are that someone (your parents, perhaps) could have — and should have — done more to protect the first generation of children who were victimized by your brother after his initial conviction.

In addition to his (very light) sentence, he should have received therapeutic help and he should not have had access to children.

But because this crime is so painful for your family to face, your brother didn’t get help, the news that he is a convicted child molester was swept under the carpet and it seems that he went on to victimize more children, who now carry this burden with them.

Yes, his wife should be told immediately.

The phrasing of your letter suggests that your brother has step-grandchildren. Their parents should also be notified of your brother’s conviction of child molestation and that it likely was not a “one-time thing.” He should not have any access to children without their parents present.

There is a public perception that a high percentage of child molesters reoffend and while my reading about this suggests that the recidivism rate might be lower than most think — five credible accusations in one family means that your brother did continue to offend.

DEAR AMY >> My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. After a year, we moved in together. I was buying a house and he would sell his house and move in with me and my two teenagers.

Prior to buying the house, we reviewed our finances. He has $60K in unsecured debt and has since had his wages garnished.

I do NOT want to marry into that type of financial carelessness, but I don’t want to “out” him to his friends/family either.

What would be the appropriate response when people ask when we are getting married?

DEAR WORRIED >> If people ask about marriage, you can simply say, “We haven’t decided.”