Don't read roommate's mail
DEAR MISS MANNERS >> Occasionally I receive postcards in the mail, and when my roommate gets the mail, he will inevitably read them. I know he reads them because he will ask detailed questions about the contents of the sender's message.
When I pointed out that this was essentially reading my mail, he said that nothing private would be written on a postcard anyway, and so it's OK for him to read it. This is true to a certain extent, but not always.
Is it rude to purposely read someone's postcards and comment on them? Is it better, if you read them, to at least pretend you didn't?
GENTLE READER >> The rule is clear: Do not read other people's mail. And yes, that applies not only to postcards and letters, but also to email, texts and little notes tucked into lunchboxes.
Miss Manners would think that it should be obvious to anyone living in the 21st century that these forms are not safe from snoops. They can easily be forwarded or photographed, if not steamed open.
So your own personal snoop is right that it is unwise to put anything confidential on a postcard — or in any writing.
But he is wrong in his conclusion. If it is unwise to leave your car unlocked because it could easily be stolen, that does not make it all right for someone to steal it.
And, as you point out, your roommate should at least be ashamed enough to pretend that he had not snooped.
Is it unreasonable to expect some amount of privacy at a restaurant table?
Every once in a while, I have encountered people who loudly talk to complete strangers (judging by their questions) at other tables. They might even call out to someone who is halfway across a large dining room.
Most recently, my partner and I were trying to eat lunch with my visiting relative, but a man at a nearby table kept asking the relative questions, as if my partner and I were not even
DEAR MISS MANNERS >>
there.
GENTLE READER >> Your question, Miss Manners presumes, is not so much whether it is reasonable, but how to get rid of the intruder with something more polite than “Buzz off.”
That would be: “Would you excuse us, please? We have matters we want to discuss.”
I have a friend who colors her own hair and has offered to do mine. She considers herself an expert, and her own hair clearly requires some work to keep up, but she is not a professional.
I know she is trying to be generous, but I'm pretty particular about my hair. Is there a diplomatic way to get out of this without seeming to insult her abilities?
GENTLE READER >> You have a choice here of ways to say noBoth ways begin with “You are very kind, but ...”
One option, the simplest, concludes with, “... I go to a colorist who has been very good.” Another ends with, “I prefer to leave my hair the way it is.”