Dementia's `language' is topic of meetings
Free `Memories with Lisa' group explains how to communicate with those who have condition
Communicating effectively with a person or loved one who has dementia can be quite challenging for many.
Lisa Ray Combs, 59, of Discovery Bay, knows exactly what to do or say, though. In fact, she teaches communication skills to caretakers monthly through a free support group class called “Memories with Lisa.”
“Dementia is a language that most people do not understand, and caregivers can get frustrated,” said Combs, also owner of a boutique store in Discovery Bay. “We need to remember that the person inside that body is not the person they used to know — they are a stranger within their own self.”
Born in Richmond and raised in Martinez, Combs' career started out as an executive assistant for a general manager, which eventually led her to work in sales and marketing for an independent assisted living and memory care community.
“I was very fortunate to have 324 grandparents, all with amazing stories of growing up during the (Great) Depression, living or being in a war, ones with careers and others raising their families,” she said.
Combs said she was especially drawn toward seniors who seemed lost within their own selves.
“Not knowing where they were and why they were visiting me,” recalled Combs. “Thinking that their loved one was still alive or how they were planning to go home.”
Combs met seniors from all walks of life — from former senators, actors and vice presidents of companies to former housewives who had raised several children.
“Having dementia is a disease I don't wish on anyone,” said Combs. “There is no cure, and to think that three out of five people will get dementia is pretty scary. Dementia is a language all of its own.”
After working in sales and marketing, Combs decided to get her license to operate a Residential Care Facility for the Elderly so that she could run her own senior community.
“My goal was to teach every care staff and family member what dementia was all about and how to take care of them,” she said. “Their dementia language was one that most did not understand.”
Once the pandemic hit, her goals were put on hold, so Combs decided to check off a particular goal she had while growing up, “to own a small clothing boutique.” Today Combs owns and operates Uptown Trends Boutique,
where she sells men's and women's apparel, gifts and décor, but continually finds herself chatting with customers and friends about how much she misses working with seniors. Combs was surprised to learn that many of her customers were not just out to shop.
“They were getting out of the house for a breather because they were taking care of someone with dementia,” she said. “I couldn't believe just how many of my customers were a caregiver to someone with dementia.”
That's when the light bulb turned on and she thought about Carolyn George.
“Getting involved and starting `Memories with Lisa' all started because of my dear friend Carolyn, who started a support group called `Coffee with Carolyn' through Kaleidoscope.”
Kaleidoscope, Combs explained, is a nonprofit that helps cancer patients.
“Carolyn right now is fighting her own battle with cancer for the second time,” said Combs. “But what keeps her going is her family, friends and Kaleidoscope.”
After learning about Kaleidoscope, Combs asked if there would be room for another support group, one regarding dementia.
“She brought it to the board and now there is a support group called `Memories with Lisa.' ”
Combs said it's open to anyone, including nurses, friends, family and neighbors, “basically anyone who
wants to learn more and learn how to help.”
Her hour-long meeting is held at noon on the last Tuesday of every month at 14671 Byron Highway in Byron.
“We sometimes will have a speaker and then other times it's a round table of questions and talking about their frustrations,” said Combs. “My goal at these meetings is to make sure they know that they are not alone.”
During the meetings, Combs teaches caregivers to be open to new ways of interacting and communicating and to take steps to avoid agitation, anxiety, stress and conflict.
“Dementia impairs how effectively the brain handles stress and confusion,” she said. “By avoiding stressful situations, it will help set you and your loved one up for success instead of failure.”
Combs talks about why memory care is important to her.
“I feel that we don't give our elders the respect they deserve these days,” she said. “And secondly, memory care is rewarding.”
Dementia is also something Combs relates to within her own family.
“My Aunt Liz had Alzheimer's and now my father-in-law. I see how this affects not only the person with dementia, but more importantly, the person who is doing their best to help as their caretaker,” she said. “Knowing that something as simple as a bright, colorful plate of food will help them with their appetite or holding their hand so they can point with the other can make it a better day for both.”