The ideal wife — 1950’s version
In September, 2013, our movers deposited 17 boxes of books in our lower level “walkout.”
Recently, four boxes remained unopened
— their packaging telling me they’d been moved from attic to attic for over 50 years!
Going to work, I stopped midway through box No. 15. There, I lifted out what had been my 10th grade Home Economics text. I recognized the yellow cover immediately. On the front was a pretty young woman dressed in 50’s style, wearing heels and a crisp white apron and guiding a vacuum cleaner the size of a power mower. Thumbing through its pages, I found a chapter I still remembered 58 years later… and the subject for today’s column.
Sadie Booker, I hope you are reading this piece along with present day Home Economics teachers and students who are certain to get a giggle.
The following is the original lesson, but I have added my own 2016 realistic comments in italics following each topic points…
HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time.
This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the your warm welcome. <No Red Baron Pizza thrown in oven at the last minute? No warmed over meatloaf from Monday?>
Take 15 minutes to rest so that you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and interesting. His boring day needs a lift. What about your pounding migraine and the soured baby throwup down the front of his old football jersey you’re wearing?
Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before he arrives — gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order. It’ll give you a lift, too. What about the 3 loads of unfolded laundry on the couch ? The scattered Legos and the fresh blood on his favorite golf club?
Take a minute to wash their hands and faces if they’re small, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures to him and he’d like to see them as such. Re: bloody golf club? Search the house for maimed and bleeding children. When the perpetrator is found, utter a mother’s favorite warning, “Just wait until your father gets home!” At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him but say it softly. Tell the teenager upstairs to lower the hard rock to a level that will no longer sway the chandelier. SOME
Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Suggest he lean back in his chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him to enjoy. Offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing voice. Don’t give him any orders. Wait at least five minutes before sending him out for burgers and fries, warning him not to forget the catsup this time!
You may have a dozen things to say to him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let HIM talk first. After he’s uttered two sentences, tell him he must un-stop the upstairs toilet NOW because it’s beginning to drip down on the dining room table!
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to relax. Tell how you chaperoned a second-grade field trip on a crowded van w/out A.C and mowed the back yard… Now that he’s home, you are taking a bath, a Midol and two Extra-Strength Tylenol and going to bed. If he argues, remind him there’s only one difference between a terrorist and a woman with acute PMS — you can reason with the terrorist!
Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. After all, HE is the important one in the household. Yeah, RIGHT!
Marriage has come a LONG way, Baby! But in 1958, we took our notes and believed we’d actually follow these rules for a lifetime. Then came marriage…and a real husband…and real children… and a REAL life…