I am fat, and that is OK

Iam fat. If you look over at my columnist photo that sits in the middle of this text, you can see I have a full, round face and shoulders that go from one side to the next. A few of you have met me and my body is all curves and rolls. But that is not all that I am.

There are people who could not think of anything worse than being fat. Like it is some kind of curse, and you become some beast when you get over a size 16.

One thing that I cannot stand are people using euphemisms for being fat. No, I am not thick, plus-size, chubby, fluffy or any other name they can think of. It doesn’t make me feel any better that a person use the alternative terms. I know what they are implying and it kind of insults me that they think I am so sensitive that they must pander to my emotions.

I have never been a small person. I was always taller and bigger then my peers. It took me years to come to terms and I have learned so much about myself along the way.

Being fat does not take away from my beauty. I can’t count the times that I have heard, “You’d be so pretty if you lost 20 pounds! "from people who mean well.

Everyone looks and is built differently. And although it may come off as vain, I know I have bright blue eyes that express every emotion, I have curls that people would pay to have and I have a smile that transforms my whole face. I know that I am beautiful and my pants size can't change that.

Being fat doesn’t effect who I am as a person either. One of my favorite quotes is, “Is fat really the worst thing a human can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil or cruel? Not to me,” by J.K. Rowling.

Instead of focusing on my size I choose to look at myself for what my brain and soul have to offer. I am intelligent, young and want nothing more than to be seen as a friend and a safe zone for anyone I come into contact with. My husband likes to pick on me because of how much I smile. He says I do it even when I am angry or crying, and that it is hard to stay mad at me whenever he sees me smiling back at him. I would much rather be seen for how I treat others then how I look.

I am not ashamed of what I look like. My mother, with all her virtues and faults, has never understood why I am OK with my rolls. Although my mother is a beauty, she has issues with how her hips have widened and tummy has rounded with age. She hides behind flowing cloth and never dares to go to the water without a cover over her suit. What she has never understood is why I have never hid like she has.

I love short shorts, pencil skirts, leggings, tight tops and heels that have me towering over everyone else. In the summer, I rock a bikini. I walk with confidence and with my head high – unashamed of what I look like.

My personal mantra is " love the way I look and feel, if you don’t then look away." I have spent my whole life coming to terms with how I look, and I will not allow someone, who’s opinion is irrelevant, effect the way I see myself.

I am fat, but I am so much more than that. One part of who I am does not outweigh the whole of what makes me. I love myself and I am proud to say that it means I love all of my parts.

Haley Smith is a staff writer for the El Dorado News-Times and may be reached at 870-8626611.