Left Lives Matter
Iknow that sounds trite to you righties, but live a day as a lefty, and you’ll at least have a little sympathy for a small segment of our society. Lefties make up about 10% of the population, and we have faced discrimination since the beginning of recorded history. According to some reports, left-handers suffered severe prejudice during the 18th and 19th centuries, and it was often “beaten out” of them. Even the Latin word for “left” has as an alternate meaning, “sinister.”
The trials and tribulations of a lefty start early in school when your teacher places a writing tablet on a right-handed desk, and you have to do a crab claw turn of you left hand to even write..
Discrimination of a lefty goes everywhere. Consider a dining night out. A lefty must drive in a right-handed designed car, and of course even to start the car you have to reach across to the ‘right’ side, and then, drive on the right side of the road. Then when you pull into the restaurant parking lot, your wife will invariable say, “You’re going the wrong way!” Yes, all parking lots are designed for righties. That’s one of the reasons why an estimated 2500 lefties die each year trying to navigate right-hand roads, road signs, and power saws. Of course, all office and shop equipment is designed for a righty, and so are power saws. Lefties who work with table saws and other power equipment rarely have ten fingers.
After a lefty is seated at a restaurant, they must change the place-setting to a left setting, put up with being served from the wrong side, as if they were a righty, and they can’t even butter their bread because there is a right-handed butter knife.
Of course, I do have some satisfaction to know that there are no left-handed Muslim terrorists, (All Muslims are taught to use their right hand, and use their left hand when wiping at the toilet.). And most of the dictators from the beginning of time we’re righties. Vladimir Putin, Hitler, Napoleon, Mussolini, Tojo, Count Dracula, and Stalin are or were righties, and Pope Francis and Billy Graham are lefties.—A coincidence? I don’t think so.
Ah, but we lefties have some built in advantages, and if you have ever tried to return a lefties tennis serve to the add court, you realize lefties can do some things a lot better than a righty, and that’s why 40% of the top tennis pros are lefties. Yes, sports do give lefties a boost and Babe Ruth, Arnold Palmer, Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe are proof. Another study of left handed college graduates and right handed graduates show lefties turn out to be 26% richer than righties. And a study from St. Lawrence University in New York finds that more lefties score higher than 140 on an I. Q. test than righties. I guess that mean we lefties are smarter and richer than the rest of the world.
Famous lefties have been responsible for most of what we take for granted in this old world. Just a few come to mind: Benjamin Franklin, Churchill, Mozart, Rembrandt, and Van Gogh, and if you want a little glamor, consider Marilyn Monroe and Angelina Jolie. I do have a good bit of satisfaction knowing that most of the creative items of our society were invented by lefties. When you call on your cell phone or type on a computer, thank a lefty. That’s right Steve Jobs is a lefty, and so is Bill Gates, and don’t forget, if you like Facebook, another lefty, Mark Zuckerberg invented it. And if we look back into almost any of the former creative people that have ever lived, we have a list of notables: Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Picasso, and Albert Einstein; all lefties. Of course, the first and second man on the
Moon were lefties; Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, And, if we consider presidents for a moment, you will find, of the last four presidents, three, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and George Bush Sr. were lefties, and of course George W. Bush was a righty—figures. I know you’re wondering about Hillary—yes she’s a lefty and The Donald is a righty
Well, as in most areas of discrimination, it takes a long time for the majority to recognize a need to right wrongs, and since lefties are a humble, contrite minority of our population, we likely won’t be demonstrating in the streets protesting our plight, but maybe one day on your tax return there will be a box saying, “Check, if you are a lefty and deduct 10% from your tax due.” Actually, as a whole, lefties are the most creative people on earth, and we should honor lefties with a national holiday. August 13 is International Left Hander’s Day, but it should be a national holiday like Christmas, where the righties of the world give gifts of appreciation to lefties in recognition of their creativity.
Yes, Left Lives Matter!