Blowing out the candles for birthday month
Since July is my birthday month, I should write something from the last 73 anniversaries celebrated.
My first memory is of my fourth birthday party. I have a vague recollection of playing “Drop the Handkerchief,” “Ring Around the Rosie” and “London Bridge” in the front yard of our old house and a birthday cake and punch served on the front porch with presents.
In 1947, we did not know about party themes, favors and group parties at McDonald’s or pizza parlors. The next memorable birthday I will mention is from 1953, when I turned 10. My best friend, Suzanne, gave me the present that was probably the force behind what you are reading today. It was a green five-year diary and I began writing in it that very night.
Readers often ask how I remember so many details from long ago… well, it’s because I have kept a daily diary since I was 10 and continue to write in one 54 years later! I have stacks and stacks of them and they were quickly gathered into large plastic bags and moved to the attic when we were flooded. Today, they occupy ½ of our guest room closet.
This next memorable birthday I will relate was birthday No. 60 in 2003. We were living in Texas at the time and, usually, my husband would have a card on the breakfast table waiting for me. That day he did not. “Oh well,” I thought, “it will appear later.” Finishing our second cup of coffee, he asked, “Would you like to run over to Austin with me this morning?” Ahhh… birthday No. 60 is a big one and he had something really special in mind. I hurriedly showered and dressed and announced I was ready. We left for the city and pulled into DISCOUNT TIRES just before 11 a.m. What was this? Some ruse to throw me off? For two hours, I sat in a smelly tire store, burning up from the
heat, inhaling rubber and stale cigarette smoke and listening to mechanics shouting obscenities from the open garage. Not an exactly patient “camper” was I. By the time we left, I peaked at about 12+ on the “peeved to incensed” scale.
What husband would put his wife through this without an ulterior motive? Then a thought hit me! He knows I love picnics – even though
he dislikes them – maybe at a park? OR perhaps he had planned a surprise party with friends from home and was giving them time to arrive. That must be it! As he headed the car toward the interstate, I began practicing surprised exclamations – both vocal and facial expressions – in my mind.
Once on the freeway, he asked, “Are you hungry?” I was RIGHT!! It was one or the other. “Oh, I could eat a little something,” I purred. “How about Burger King – we haven’t had a whopper for awhile.” “NO THANK YOU! I can wait.” And simmered near the boiling point throughout the next 35 miles home. Once there, I jumped from the car and ran down the hall to my office, slamming the door so hard the entire house shook. I began writing – always a source of fending off irritation and disappointment.
Near 5 p.m. a UPS truck drove up in front and I watched the man take a package up to our front door. Here it was! He hadn’t forgotten! He was just waiting for my big present to arrive. After waiting a full 15 minutes, I could stand it no longer and casually strolled down the hall to the living room where my husband was watching television.
“I saw the UPS truck drive up. What did he deliver?” I swallowed my pride and asked. My husband bent down to pick up an open shoe box beside his recliner. “These! I ordered them from a magazine – see, there are cleats on the bottom of these thongs. You merely put them on and walk around your yard to aerate it.
Neat, huh?”
I marched out of the room, thinking, “Divorce lawyer!” Later, that evening, our daughter called to wish me “Happy Birthday” and to say my present from them would be a day late. On the other line, I heard my husband utter a barely audible, “Uh-Oh!” The following morning he tried to make up for his mistake by going to Walmart early. He brought back a fancy new toaster oven he’d been wanting. Those miracle “aerating shoes” were used only once after he almost
tumbled down our steep lot and into the Colorado River below. They were immediately tossed.
So may I offer a bit of advice to husbands here? (1) NEVER forget her birthday (2) NEVER give her a gift that is meant for you and (3) NEVER EVER give her a gift with an electrical cord attached.