Considering baby number two?
It has finally happened. After years of his grandparents asking Gideon and him always saying no, he has finally decided he wants a sibling, specifically a little brother.
Up until now, I have used his “I don’t want a brother or a sister,” as a good excuse to not have another. It’s not that I don’t want another child to love on, but to be quite frank, I am afraid of it. My pregnancy, son’s birth and the months that followed were not easy on me.
So the next time you are pressuring a mother of one for baby number two, consider these issues she may have with that.
She may have had problems with getting pregnant. Although this was not the case for me, not everyone has an easy time trying to start their family. This child that they just had was a miracle for them.
You never know how hard it may have been for her to conceive. Not everyone shares their infertility struggles with others. It is insensitive for someone to push others into “giving their child a sibling,” nor is it their place.
She had a difficult birth. Giving birth is never easy, and never let anyone tell you differently. That being said, some women have easier childbirths than others. Women tear, children are turned the wrong way and there are moms and babies who would not be here if it wasn’t for an emergency Cesarean section.
Mine was somewhere in the middle. My labor was extremely quick for a first time mom. Gideon was in the world in less than 10 hours, but he didn’t make it here without complications. The thought of going through that again isn’t my idea of fun.
Children are financial burdens. There I said it. Babies aren’t cheap. Diapers, wipes, clothing and food all cost money and I remember how hard it was for my husband and I when we were a young married couple.
My son is now old enough for some of those expenses to have fallen to the way-
side and others have become so ingrained that it is no big deal. Adding another child's needs to that though? We would have to learn how to budget according to those new expenses and just because that is something that I could financially do, does not mean that is an option for everyone.
She may have dealt with postpartum depression. Just to be clear, I am not talking about baby blues. I’m talking full blown depression. Greasy unwashed hair, the same baby-spit up stained clothes on for a week straight, the struggle not to cry yourself to sleep every night because of how awful of a mother you feel like you are and how easy it is to push your life-mate away.
If you think back to certain times of your life, you may remember the scent or feel like you're wrapped in a warm blanket. When I think about the first six months of my son’s life, the first thing that comes to mind is the color black. It is hard not to feel guilty for feeling so sad during a part of your life that should be considered joyous.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say “well, every pregnancy is different,” when I bring up my past experience. What most of these people don't realize is that someone who has had a depressive episode in the past is more likely to experience it again. The more that you have, the greater your chance to have another one.
Fortunately, I have a supportive spouse who recognizes the signs and got me to a doctor to treat what was going on with me. Not everyone has that.
Every mother questions if she could ever love a second child as much as the first. I know many people laugh it off, but most mothers are completely serious when they say this.
When you feel someone grow inside you for the first time, hold him for the first time, take care of his every need and promise that no one would ever hurt them, your world is turned upside down and will never be the same.
For someone who is experiencing that kind of love for the first time, it is hard to wrap your mind around the possibility of feeling it for anyone else.
Before you air your opinion on when someone should expand your family, think about how it will affect them. It is never your place to step into someone’s life and push them to do something that they are not ready or willing to do.
Haley Smith is a staff writer for El Dorado News-Times. She can be reached at hsmith@eldoradonews.com. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter at @hsmithEDNT.