Mom ea­ger to move on puts kids on the spot

El Dorado News-Times - - Morning Brew - Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: Please help with some ad­vice re­gard­ing my chil­dren. My al­most-ex-wife filed for di­vorce while ask­ing me to “work on my­self.” She re­fused coun­sel­ing de­spite our 17 years of mar­riage and two chil­dren, ages 12 and 10. While I was out of our fam­ily home -- at her re­quest

-- she was dat­ing a mar­ried (un­em­ployed) man who has a child of his own. Our daugh­ter even­tu­ally told me what was go­ing on, which was very hard for her.

My wife then moved into a ren­tal house. She and the boyfriend are still legally mar­ried be­cause the di­vorces aren’t fi­nal. Now she’s im­pos­ing him on our chil­dren at the ren­tal house. She also brings him to their sport­ing events even though it makes the chil­dren and other team par­ents un­com­fort­able. Is it ap­pro­pri­ate that she ex­pose our kids to her dat­ing sit­u­a­tion?

STAY CLASSY IN THE WEST DEAR STAY CLASSY: Noth­ing you or I can say to your al­most-ex is go­ing to change what she’s do­ing. And no, what has been go­ing on with her and her lover is not “ap­pro­pri­ate.”

Please con­tinue to be as sup­port­ive of your chil­dren as you can be. You should also talk to your lawyer about their cus­tody, be­cause your wife is go­ing to have her hands full sup­port­ing this new man in her life, which may mean she has less time to spend with them.


DEAR ABBY: I’m an 11-year-old girl. I just started mid­dle school (sixth grade). The girls in my class have been to­gether since pre-K.

Although I’m new to the school, I knew two of the girls from be­fore. They are very nice and have ac­cepted me. The prob­lem is that they are the “lead­ers” of two sep­a­rate groups. Dur­ing my lunch/re­cess they each want me to sit with them. How do I do this with­out hurt­ing any feel­ings?

NEW KID AT SCHOOL DEAR NEW KID: As you said, you are new to the school. For the time be­ing, al­ter­nate sit­ting with each group. Be friendly to ev­ery­one, re­gard­less of which group they be­long to. And while you’re at it, do the same with class­mates who aren’t mem­bers of ei­ther group. In time, you will fig­ure out where you are more com­fort­able.


DEAR ABBY: I have a set of china I in­her­ited from my mother. I don’t have chil­dren, and my niece and nephew (brother’s side) are es­tranged from the fam­ily. My brother has been rais­ing his now 14-year-old grand­daugh­ter from in­fancy. Have you any ideas on what to do with the dishes?

UN­SURE IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA DEAR UN­SURE: Yes, I do. In the past I have re­ceived let­ters from frus­trated read­ers telling me they of­fered trea­sured fam­ily items -- china, crys­tal, an­tique fur­ni­ture -- to young rel­a­tives, only to have them re­fused be­cause “they weren’t their style.” Be­cause the china has sen­ti­men­tal value for you, why don’t YOU start us­ing it? How­ever, if it isn’t your style ei­ther, con­sider sell­ing or do­nat­ing it.


Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www. or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.


To or­der “How to Write Let­ters for All Oc­ca­sions,” send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Let­ter Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.

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