Bride ac­cuses mom of us­ing wed­ding to spot­light her­self

El Dorado News-Times - - Morning Brew - Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: Once I an­nounced my en­gage­ment, my al­ready thin, fit mother went on a diet and lost 20 pounds. My weight has al­ways been an is­sue with her, and I can’t be­lieve she would draw at­ten­tion to it in this way.

She called me a bridezilla be­cause I told her I think she’s try­ing to show­boat my wed­ding be­cause she’s the one with the in­se­cu­rity is­sues. I would have been happy to elope, but she in­sisted on this big wed­ding to show off to her friends and “re­coup the gifts she gave to their kids.”

How do we get through the next six months and keep our al­ready frag­ile re­la­tion­ship in­tact? DAUGH­TER OF

MOMZILLA DEAR DAUGH­TER: Wed­dings are sup­posed to be about the happy cou­ple, not a means for a third party to “re­coup” gifts she gave to her friends’ chil­dren. If you feel you would be hap­pier elop­ing rather than be mis­er­able “go­ing on with the show,” that’s what you and your fi­ance should do. How­ever, if you do de­cide to go through with the wed­ding, you and your mother should agree there will be no fur­ther dis­cus­sion about weight -- hers or yours. Pe­riod.

DEAR ABBY: I came into work Mon­day morn­ing to the news that one of my co-work­ers had passed away the day be­fore from a mas­sive heart at­tack. I was shocked and sad­dened. I was also ap­palled that my em­ployer posted her death on Face­book less than 24 hours later.

I don’t feel that this is an ap­pro­pri­ate fo­rum to an­nounce a death, and I also don’t think it was my em­ployer’s re­spon­si­bil­ity to no­tify the world. In my opin­ion, the fam­ily should no­tify the pub­lic if they choose. Are there any rules of eti­quette re­gard­ing so­cial me­dia and an­nounc­ing a co-worker’s death?

SAD NEWS IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA DEAR SAD NEWS: Of course it is the pre­rog­a­tive of fam­ily mem­bers to post that kind of news. Ide­ally, your em­ployer should have waited an ex­tra day or two to al­low the fam­ily to get the word out. How­ever, un­less a fam­ily mem­ber com­plained to you about what your em­ployer did, you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

While you have ex­pe­ri­enced a shock­ing loss, your boss has, too, par­tic­u­larly if the em­ployee was a long­time one. That he/she shared it on so­cial me­dia isn’t sur­pris­ing these days, con­sid­er­ing how much in­for­ma­tion is be­ing posted on­line, nor was it a breach of eti­quette.

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