Political views end a long friendship
DEARAMY » A friend of 35 years recently “broke up” with me via email.
It was due to politics, I conclude, although we have never discussed politics in person, by phone, or email.
However, I frequently post my convictions on Facebook. I aim to be civil and to back up my opinions with factual, credible links.
My friend and I have never had a dialogue on FB about politics or candidates. Still, out of the blue, she sent me an email and said, “I don’t like what you put on Facebook and I can’t be friends with you anymore. Have a nice life.” That was it. After 35 years.
I could understand that action if I had pressed my case over lunch or sent links in emails. I never did. I have a couple of relatives/friends who post on FB extolling their support for the candidate I find objectionable, and my choice is just to scroll by and not engage.
My husband says, “You’ve been treated unfairly and poorly, so consider it done and move on.” Still, there’s a deep hurt over this.
Your suggestions?
— Hurt
DEAR HURT » You seem to believe that others should use Facebook, and respond to postings, the way you do. But when you post opinions on Facebook, you are ( basically) shouting into a megaphone in the town square. Some people may choose to walk on by, but others will listen, pay attention, and may object to your positions.
You seem to believe that your friend should only object to your political opinions if you share them personally. That is extremely naïve, and somewhat disingenuous. Because you two have never discussed politics, it’s possible that she simply did not know where you stood — until now.
I agree that it is unfortunate that this friend of many decades has slammed the door on your relationship. Her behavior reveals her own limitations and extreme sensitivities.
If I were you, I would respond to her email, saying, “I am very shocked about your choice to end our friendship. If I have posted something that you found personally offensive, I am truly sorry. I believe our long friendship is worth at least a conversation, but you don’t seem open to that. I wish you were.”
DEAR AMY » Thanks for the advice you provided to “Trying to Do the Right Thing,” the couple who planned to foster children of color in their white family.
I am a person of color. I have faced obvious and subtle racist comments and actions from others. Racism and racists will always be with us.
Children will learn and grow. The parents should prepare the children that such people exist and help them to develop skills to react and respond appropriately.
And people do change, too. Seeing the extended family growing multi-racially may change a person’s racial perspectives.