Girlfriend doesn’t want to hang with the nudes

DEAR READERS >> Every year during this time I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these (edited) “Best Of” Q&As from 10 years ago.

Today’s topic is: The male gaze.

I’ll be back with fresh columns in two weeks.

DEAR AMY >> I’m a 25-yearold woman. I’m in a great long-term relationship with a very nice 27-yearold guy.

Last month he moved into a loft apartment with two other guys, who have been living there for a few years. The setup is very nice. His roommates are generally very gracious and creative people.

The problem is the decoration in the loft. It’s full of images of naked or almost-naked women. Some are fine art prints, but others are just raunchy pornography, including a headless female mannequin wearing nothing but lingerie.

I don’t feel comfortable hanging out there with so many women being displayed like that.

I asked the girlfriend of one of the roommates what she thought of the mannequin, and she said it was funny.

My boyfriend has told me he does not want to upset the new apple cart by demanding that they change the apartment around. I don’t want to come off as a demanding prude by saying they should redecorate their place, so what should I do? — Grossed-out Girlfriend

DEAR GIRLFRIEND >> Like you, I wouldn’t want to hang out in a porn palace, but your boyfriend isn’t willing to represent your point of view to his roommates. Your only other option is to react to this decor yourself. You can assume they’d be happy to explain their choices to someone who is willing to challenge them.

When you get to know them better, say: “OK. I’m dying to know. What’s with all the nudes?” If they say they “love the human form,” you can tell them you’ve got a vintage centerfold of Burt Reynolds you’d be happy to present to them. Otherwise, if you can’t adjust to this, I suggest you steer clear.

(February 2011)

DEAR AMY >> I am a 65-year-old woman. My significant other is a selfprofessed “boob” man.

He recently booked a trip to a topless resort. I can’t imagine enjoying a week of sitting around topless with a bunch of hard bodies while he ogles.

He thinks I am being unreasonable and not taking his priorities into consideration. I think he is being unfair to think that would be a fun time for me. Am I being unreasonable?

— Saggy 65

DEAR SAGGY >> You’re not being unreasonable. If your guy absolutely must go on a boob-watching trip, and you aren’t interested, then don’t go. One advantage of being a “significant other” is that occasionally you get to be “other” and go your own way.

If you are happy being with someone with this diverting hobby, then — by all means — tell him you will be awaiting his return.

(May 2011)