The art of being a GOP congressperson

Being a Republican congressperson these days must be the easiest job in the world. You get to:

• Make $174K in taxpayer-funded annual salary for “working” 160 days, plus $1M per year for yes-men and toadies (i.e., “staff”).

• Vote against everything Democrats propose, then blame them for not getting anything done.

• Take credit anyhow, if Democrats overcome your obstructions to pass any bills that help your constituents.

• Refuse to participate in a bipartisan investigation of the January 6th insurrection, then protest that the committee is too partisan.

• Fight vaccine and mask mandates, then complain that COVID hasn’t gone away.

• Gerrymander voting districts and make it harder for people of color to vote, and if you lose anyhow, blame it on widespread voter fraud (zero proof required!).

• Contend that Joe Biden is a bigger threat to our country than the guy who literally tried to overthrow our democracy.

• Rile up your constituents with imaginary threats like Critical Race Theory while denying actual threats like manmade global warning.

• Once again pretend to care about deficits, now that there’s a Democrat in the White House.

• Decry the corrupting influence of campaign contributions from labor unions, while pocketing millions from corporations and fossil fuel lobbyists.

• Pick fights with fictional characters like Big Bird and Superman.

And finally, if you’re Doug LaMalfa, you get to collect millions in government farm subsidies, while fighting to cut food stamp programs for the poor. What a great gig!

— Scott Paulo, Chico