Group chat leads to group dilemma

DEAR AMY » My friend “Jane” recently texted our group of girlfriends with information concerning another girlfriend, “Maggie.”

Jane told us all that she was using a social media dating app while out of town for business and Maggie’s husband “Jed” (also out of town for business) “swiped right” on Jane.

The screenshots she shared with us showed that he had set up his profile to appear single.

Jane asked for advice on what to do with this. We have long suspected Jed was no good, but we also acknowledge this couple could have an open relationship.

Either way, we felt it best that Maggie have the information.

Jane and I don’t know Maggie well, but another woman in the group, “Susan,” does.

Susan agreed to pass this information on to Maggie discreetly and tactfully. Unfortunately, it’s been months, and we just learned that Susan never told Maggie because it makes her uncomfortable.

My husband, also close with Maggie, then said that he would tell her instead.

He also hasn’t followed through, citing the same reason.

I went back to the source and asked Jane to notify Maggie, and she also declined, saying it “wasn’t her place.”

I am starting to get antsy knowing this information is in everyone’s head except Maggie’s! I feel terrible for her. I feel wrong stepping in but I just feel she needs the information.

Do I drop it?

Is it out of line to send an anonymous letter or something?

I don’t want to cause more drama or confusion, only inform.

— Fretting

DEAR FRETTING » My first piece of advice is that you should all stop discussing this as a group. This has descended into the realm of personal gossip.

The obvious solution would have been for “Jane” to respond to “Jed’s” swipe, saying, “Dude, I know your wife!”

Otherwise, all you know is that this man is posing as an unmarried man and “swiping right” while out of town. While I agree that this is dishonest and definitely a violation of most relationship norms — this is all you know.

You might be the right person to put this to rest, because you don’t have an extant relationship to protect, and it is obviously bothering you.

If you decide to contact her, you should only tell her, “A single woman I know saw ‘Jed’s’ profile on a dating app. I don’t know anything more than that, but after wrestling with this dilemma, I’ve decided to tell you.”

Otherwise — drop it.