Readers offer their stories and advice

DEAR READERS >> Often, readers reply to dilemmas posed in my column in ways that are helpful, useful, and inspiring. Today’s column is devoted to some of these replies. As always, I’m grateful for readers who share their own stories.

DEAR AMY >> “Tell or Not Tell” wondered about disclosing the sexual abuse she had survived as a child to the man she was dating.

I had been divorced for five years when I went on a first date with a man I had just met.

On our way to the restaurant, we were stuck in traffic behind a car with a bumper sticker that said “Help Stamp Out Child Abuse.”

“Why would someone put a bumper sticker like that on their car?” he asked.

I thought for a moment before answering and said, “I suppose the car belongs to someone like me who was molested as a child.”

My date didn’t ask for any more details at that moment because he was trying not to wreck the car.

I knew from his instantly shocked reaction that this was a man with whom my children would be safe, and he has been ‘ for 37 years now.

So I vote that this woman should tell him and see what happens.

What he says and does next will tell her exactly what she needs to know.

— Found a Good One

DEAR FOUND >> This brings tears to my eyes. Thank you.

DEAR AMY >> Responding to questions about DNA disclosures, my wife found out that her father was not her biological parent when she had her DNA analyzed by a family historical research company.

It came as quite a shock. Both her mother and father have been dead for some time.

My wife has been more hurt from finding out this way, as opposed to being told by her mother.

Her two brothers also took DNA tests and they all discovered that her older brother was also fathered by another man.

I’ve told my wife it is possible that her mother did not know exactly who had fathered her children, so it’s best not to be too judgmental about all of this.

To me it sounds like she was a very unhappy woman, and she may have been looking for love in all the wrong places.

Your advice to inform people about DNA findings is solid, and my spouse wholeheartedly agrees.

— Embracing Answers

DEAR EMBRACING >> DNA discoveries are forcing many families to re-imagine their histories.