Cure for your mystery mood

Skip the part where you make yourself feel bad for feeling bad and get right to being a happier, stronger, wiser you

The summer sky is bright and bursting with birds and kites, but in your own head, it’s cloudy with a chance of I’m this close to losing it. If you’re anything like us, you beat yourself up for feeling inexplicably grouchy, then get angry at your shame and sad about the whole mental fracas.

“I call it an ‘emotion pileup.’ You have an emotion, then an emotion about the emotion,” observes social science researcher Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions. “That first feeling had something to say, and each one that followed had a specific message for you, but you can’t receive it because you’re wrapped up in what’s happening.” What’s more, we’re taught to separate negative and positive emotions, says McLaren, so we run from the “bad” (depression) toward the “good” (happiness) and miss out on the wisdom our pain is trying to give us. (“You’re worthy of more respect than you’re getting,” Love, Sadness.)

“A lot of people punish themselves for having emotions—they’re embarrassed by them and want to get over them quickly,” says McLaren. “But research is showing that if you avoid negative feelings, they will increase, whereas if you just stop and pay attention to them, they will relieve themselves.”

Facing these feelings head-on may be the last thing you want to do after waking up on the wrong side of the bed, but McLaren assures it pays off: “If you can grab the emotions and work through them, you can make some amazing movements in your life.” Here’s how: