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Here, power phrases that are study-proven to help you instantly charm and influence anyone

To get a yes: Go for ‘Goldilocks’

The key to getting someone to agree with you is to offer

options, says Dan O’Connor, author of Say This, Not That! “Everyone likes to have choices because it makes them feel in control,” he says. When given multiple options, we’re hardwired to prefer the third—it’s known as the “Goldilocks effect.” And because people tend to resist the last choice in a series, you should present four ideas and list your preference third. Folks will pick it 75% of the time. So, say you want to plan a community food drive, you might suggest to your fellow volunteers, “We can hold a clothing drive, a book drive, a food

drive or ask for donations.” Most will pick the third!

Also smart: Sweeten the deal with a benefit statement like, “If you help with the dishes, we can

watch the movie sooner.” This lets folks picture what they’ll gain.

To decline guilt-free: Swap out ‘can’t’

A friend asked you to join a virtual committee and you’d rather not? Just remember the four S’s: Sympathize, Say no, Say why, Suggest alternatives, urges O’Connor. “When most people try to get out of doing something, they say they ‘can’t,’ but that only makes others try to help you by finding solutions, such as suggesting an alternative date to do the activity.” Instead, say something like, “I’d love to help, but I won’t be able to. If you ask me again next month, I may have more time.” Saying “won’t” is a firm no, and ending with an alternative keeps them from finding their own “fix,” so you remain in control.

To defuse negativity: Say ‘we’

Arguably, the most powerful pronoun is we. If you’re dealing with difficult people, for example, instead of using the word you, which can sound accusatory, simply shift to the more collaborative we, by saying something like, “How can we solve this problem?” advises negotiation expert William Ury, co-founder of the Harvard

Program on Negotiation.

Also smart: Borrow Fido’s friendly trick! When dogs signal curiosity or affection, they often tilt their head to the side. “We also respond to this body language cue,” says O’Connor. In other words, just “garnishing” your words with this disarming gesture will make you even more persuasive.