En­ter­pris­ing sex and fail­ing

GA Voice - - Sex & Dating -

Have you ever watched a sex scene in a movie and it in­spired you to try some­thing new in the bed­room? Some­times that ad­ven­tur­ous spirit leads to dis­ap­point­ing re­sults.

I once went camp­ing with a girl­friend in north Ge­or­gia, tent and all. Our camp­site was along­side a beau­ti­ful stream, and on a sunny af­ter­noon we took a cooler of beer to hang out along­side the wa­ter. You’ve seen on­screen cou­ples play with ice, so as one thing led to an­other we be­gan to en­joy our time to­gether us­ing some ice from the cooler. A few days later I had to make an ap­point­ment with my OB/GYN, be­cause ap­par­ently wa­ter from the stream got into the cooler and spread bac­te­ria onto the ice. You can use your imag­i­na­tion on where ex­actly my in­fec­tion was.

It seems to be a prob­lem for many peo­ple. Cos­mopoli­tan UK once held a poll of dis­ap­point­ing romps; sev­eral ended in in­jury:

“I dis­lo­cated a guy’s shoul­der dur­ing sex once. It was just an ex­tra vig­or­ous ses­sion, and I had my foot up on his shoul­der. Turns out, he has weak shoul­ders. Who’d have known, eh?”

“I was hav­ing out­door sex un­der a patch of trees and thought it would be re­ally Tarzan and Jane to try it while I sat in a tree nook. All was go­ing OK un­til I felt a sharp pain in my nether re­gions. I kicked my boyfriend off and asked him to check it out. I must have sat on a bee.”

“One time when my boyfriend was ly­ing on top of me, I went to move my arm and some­how stabbed him re­ally hard in the nos­tril with my fin­ger. He let out a big “oww!” and then loads of blood started drip­ping out of his nose. He had to make a dash to the toi­let whilst still com­pletely naked and try­ing to avoid my mum who was up­stairs at the time. Need­less to say it killed the mo­ment a bit.”

En­ter­pris­ing sex can be dis­ap­point­ing for fa­mous peo­ple too. Jenny McCarthy told the Huff­in­g­ton Post about a trip she took to the Grand Canyon with her part­ner.

“I can say I did it in the Grand Canyon,” McCarthy said, “But the bot­tom of the Grand Canyon is not fun. There’s like scor­pi­ons and stones and dirt and it’s hot. It was like the strangest and worst sex of my life.”

What if your part­ner’s per­son­al­ity is it­self the ad­ven­ture? Armie Ham­mer told Elle mag­a­zine about a woman who tried to stab him while they were hav­ing sex.

“She was like, ‘True love leaves scars. You don’t have any,’” said Ham­mer. “And then she tried to stab me with a butcher knife. Of course, I promptly broke up with her. Seven months later.”

The topic of sex of­ten causes in­se­cu­rity, be­cause as a so­ci­ety we are made to feel in­fe­rior if the fre­quency, qual­ity, or risk in­volved in our sex lives is not up to par with what we per­ceive ev­ery­one else’s to be. Don’t be fooled. I’ve learned that the ul­ti­mate goal of sex is not just the happy end­ing, but also try­ing to stay out of a doc­tor’s of­fice in the process.

Melissa Carter is one of the Morn­ing Show hosts on B98.5. In ad­di­tion, she is a writer for the Huff­in­g­ton Post. She is rec­og­nized as one of the first out ra­dio per­son­al­i­ties in At­lanta and one of the few in the coun­try. Fol­low her on Twit­ter@Melis­saCarter

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