Con­fes­sions of an in­fomer­cial fa­natic

GA Voice - - Outspoken -

Your vote comes in the form of your dol­lar: spend money on the things you find im­por­tant and ig­nore the things you don’t. That is the ad­vice my brother gave me years ago, say­ing any­thing I am of­fended by in this coun­try should be pun­ished by my lack of fi­nan­cial sup­port. I have held true to that ad­vice, and the things I tend to vote for with­out much thought? In­fomer­cials.

Have you ever bought any­thing be­cause of an in­fomer­cial? I’m afraid I am a sucker for those spots, and have been known to sit through an en­tire half-hour tele­vised pitch on the week­ends imag­in­ing how much eas­ier my life would be with fill-in-the-blank.

The lat­est thing I first made fun of, then sat through the com­mer­cial, is the Kitty Roo. This hooded sweat­shirt has a builtin com­part­ment for your cat, much like a pouch on a kan­ga­roo. That way, if you are chill­ing on the couch or wak­ing around your home, your cat can stay com­fort­ably warm in her or his lit­tle pocket. Cat ears at­tached to the hood add ap­pro­pri­ate ef­fect.

An­other item that al­most had me pick­ing up the phone to or­der is the Magic Tracks glow-in-the-dark race­track. I saw this com­mer­cial many times over the hol­i­days and won­dered who would en­joy it more, my 2-year-old son or me. I mean you can turn the lights off, go crazy with wig­gling the track in dif­fer­ent di­rec­tions and the lit cars will stay on the track! The com­mer­cial makes it look like you are hav­ing a rave right on your own liv­ing room floor.

One thing I pur­chased from an in­fomer­cial, and was quite dis­ap­pointed with, was the OrGREENiC Green Non­stick Fry­ing Pan. Ac­cord­ing to the spot, noth­ing sticks to this pan, not even an egg. That’s when the per­son on TV be­gins slid­ing the said cooked egg across the sur­face of the mir­a­cle pan with ease. Not in my kitchen. That pan is the worst in my col­lec­tion, and re­quires quite a scrap­ing no mat­ter what I cook, and eggs are the worst on its sur­face. It sits in the drawer un­used, un­less I have no other clean cook­ware and am forced to break it out. Much like hav­ing to turn my un­der­wear in­side out, us­ing that pan is some­thing I would do but not ad­mit it to any­one.

My fa­vorite in­fomer­cial of them all to watch is the one pimp­ing Flex Seal. How ex­cit­ing is this prod­uct?! I mean, all you have to do is spray this liq­uid rub­ber any­where and wa­ter be­comes your bitch. And now there is Flex Seal tape! No need for a spray can or brush to keep in even the most stub­born leaks. I love watch­ing that guy in his boat float­ing on a screen door soaked in Flex Seal. It’s a mir­a­cle prod­uct, re­ally.

I un­der­stand that th­ese in­fomer­cials are meant to give the im­pres­sion that you CAN­NOT live with­out their prod­ucts, and, for some of them, it just might be true. I didn’t even men­tion the likes of P90X, CIZE or Star Shower. So many ex­pe­ri­ences I need to catch up on! But be­fore I open up my own As Seen On TV store, a friend re­cently gave this valu­able ad­vice: Melissa, change the chan­nel.

Melissa Carter is one of the Morn­ing Show hosts on B98.5. In ad­di­tion, she is a writer for the Huff­in­g­ton Post. She is rec­og­nized as one of the first out ra­dio per­son­al­i­ties in At­lanta and one of the few in the coun­try. Fol­low her on Twit­ter @Melis­saCarter

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