Winter is Coming
The first time I interviewed Ethan was for a journalism class at Georgia Southern University. He was doing his first keynote speech at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Statesboro.
When service began, people sitting on the aisles held hands to create a tent for children to walk through. The children sat at the feet of someone who read I Am Jazz by Jessica Herthel and Jazz Jennings. This story was the introduction to Ethan Niklaus Winters’ story.
I’m Coming Out, I’m Coming!
When he was about to come out to his mom as trans, he spent all night practicing. He called her at 5:30 am and talked to her for two hours.
“Why are you up this early? Did you just want to talk?” she asked, about to walk into work.
Ethan told her that he needed to tell her something important. She quickly responded with an adamant, “Yes of course, what is it?”
Ethan had come out to his mom with his sexuality, but this time was different. He wasn’t her “little girl.” He was about to become the man he’d always dreamed of.
She was really quiet after he told her. She had a sense of loss, fear of what that meant for her child’s safety. They stayed on the phone, his mom asking questions and Ethan giving her the answers he had at the time.
Ethan continued transitioning socially, which was hard for him, especially in the beginning. He isolated himself a lot, overwhelmed with trying to explain his identity to people he knew, to deal with the looks of strangers who weren’t too sure how to “take” him and correcting people.
Say My Name, Say My Name
At the time of his keynote speech, he had legally changed his name, which he chose himself. After trying out a couple of genderneutral names, he stuck to his gut and chose Ethan Niklaus Winters.
“I couldn’t get over how it just fit me,” he said.
Niklaus is Ethan’s favorite villain in Vampire Diaries, who was misunderstood and had so much more to him than meets the eye. He picked his favorite season as his last name.
“Everything lies dormant, seemingly dead but really just working within itself, protecting itself from the cold surrounding it,” he said. “I find something so beautiful about that and I strive to embody that quality of working within myself when things around me get cold and lonely.”
The moment he had the official paperwork in his hands, he immediately changed everything: his school ID, bank cards, driver’s license, social security.
“My name is the most magical assortment of words I’ve ever heard. Nothing makes me feel more myself than my name,” he said. “To this day, I love when people say my name.”
Going to the Top
His top surgery cost $8,000, which he paid for with his own money, online crowdfunding, donations from friends’ side hustles and school refunds.
Ethan was already on HRT, which he started at Atlanta’s Feminist Women’s Health Center, which didn’t require a gender dysphoria diagnosis and had a trans health specific initiative.
Although being home in his body was important to him, there was a bigger, looming factor that Ethan considered when
raising thousands of dollars while in school.
“In Georgia, you are required to have had a gender-affirming surgery to change your gender marker on official documents, like IDs and things like that,” he said. “I felt as though job security and walking through life would be easier without having that ‘F’ on my ID.”
Ethan had his eyes on only one doctor: Dr. Charles Garramone in Davie, Florida, one of the most well-known and best top surgeons in the country.
Post-op
A year and a half and $8,000 later, Ethan and his mother traveled from Statesboro, Georgia to Davie, Florida for his first surgery ever. Despite his research, he was most surprised by the recovery process of top surgery.
“My body was traumatized,” he said. “I still remember when I woke up afterward, they had to put me back to sleep I was in so much pain. When I woke up again I started crying because I wanted my mom, it was emotionally and physically painful. I was afraid to breathe or move, I couldn’t stand up straight because I was guarding my chest.”
Shirts Off to You
A year post-op, Ethan swam shirtless for the first time. He was sitting on the side of a university indoor swimming pool. His scars were still pretty raised and felt like a scream for attention. There was a huge wall of glass surrounding the pool, making Ethan feel like he was a fish, about to be dumped into a shark-infested ocean. He sat there a while, deciding if he was going to be shirtless or not.
“Boy, you spent eight grand on that chest. You better show it off!” his pool buddy said.
He couldn’t deny that he’d spent a pretty penny so he could do this sort of thing. Why was he even hesitating? With a deep breath, he pulled his shirt off and exposed his chest to the world for the first time.
“I will remember that day for the rest of my life, every nerve in my body felt alive and free,” Ethan said. “I never realized that a piece of cotton wrapped around my body made such a difference in what being in the water felt like. I haven’t swum with a shirt on since and I never will.”
A New Man
After spending a total of $15,000, without any insurance coverage, in medical bills, blood tests, HRT treatment, needles and syringes, doctor’s appointments, medication, top surgery, and gas to get to and from, Ethan passed in public.
“Transitioning – even before the medical partgave me my freedom,” Ethan said. “I’d found myself and I could not have cared less what anyone else thought. It was the confidence in my transition that led me to activism.”
After his top surgery, Ethan became more involved as an activist in the LGBTQ community in southeast Georgia.
“I decided to be very out and open about my identities, because I didn’t see enough representation in my day to day life,” Ethan said. “I didn’t see anyone providing inclusive care or support. I wanted to change that, but I didn’t see any other way other than me outing myself and speaking up for my community.”
Ethan educated people and humanized the trans experience. He spoke at his classes, was a guest speaker in classes, panels, conferences, and workshops, and had regular, everyday conversations.
Ethan graduated from the university in 2018 and is now a coordinator for TOP Notch, a program that partners with trans folks and helps raise money to offset the incredibly expensive cost of medical transitions.
If you’re interested in hiring Ethan to speak at universities, conferences, and events, you can follow Ethan on Twitter @niklaus_winters, and visit thegavoice.com for Ethan’s full story.