Black Gay Pride: An Intersection of Challenge & Leadership
Helmut Domagalski, Co-host, The Gayly Dose
Read the full column online at thegavoice.com.
I exist at a unique set of intersections, but Black is not one of them. And yet, in the wake of last year’s Black Lives Matter marches, I thought an outside perspective might be one that resonates with many. I hope to do it justice.
Seek to understand
When we are faced with different people — different gender, race, creed — we must start at the most important place: learning! This is not a one-time moment — this is a LIFETIME disposition. Are you prepared to be a lifetime student? If not, you will probably find this earthly experience to be dull and unexciting. There is adventure in discovering even the simplest new thing … but how much more exciting it is to discover your neighbor!
Read before you ask
There is a lot you can learn about the Black and the Black gay experience by simply searching Google. So many of my friends of color are exhausted from fielding questions regarding their experience. When you are at the intersection of Black and gay, it’s a double whammy.
I can relate to the challenge of being gay, of going out into the world and striving tirelessly to prove that despite my sexuality, I deserve the same respect as my straight colleagues.
But I have learned that the Black experience is one that has rested strongly on doing everything possible to “compensate” for racism and bias, so that every aspect of your being, from your clothes to your hair, your car, your everything needs to be perfect just so that you have a chance at the same opportunities. That’s exhausting, and when Black people can’t meet that cultural demand, they are often forlorn, despondent, and even defeated in a way that isn’t easy to translate to non-Black people.
“Do life” with people of color From Kevin, my high school bestie; from Ponce, Kniche, Tim, and Shoshanna, my coworkers; to Yemia, a dear girlfriend; and Mike and Marcus, my bro besties; and our dear Dante, my friend and Gayly Dose cast member, my life is marked by the nurturing of friendships with people of color who have helped my understanding.
I certainly don’t suggest seeking connections like collecting stamps — relationships must be authentic and genuine. However, we can all seek diversity in our friendships.
Talk about things that matter! You won’t learn from your friends if you keep things superficial. Get deep, gain trust, learn more! It is not just through our shared experiences, but also through our shared discussion of life’s experiences, our feelings, our intentions, and our learnings that we can level up in our understanding of what is foreign to us.
This is true for all people, not just Black folks. We live in the United States of America. There is no better place for you to seek and find this intoxicatingly beautiful mix of humanity with which to live and learn. Double down and take part in a human experience that is uniquely available to us in these modern times. It’s an unprecedented opportunity and it should be grasped and appreciated greatly.
Respect the intersection, support It with love
Black LGBTQ people need time to themselves, to simply be with others who experience the same challenges, exhaustion, and victories that they do.
I think this is important not only for these individuals, but for all of us.
At the end of the day, it is from this part of humanity that some of our greatest gay leaders have and will continue to come from. Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin, Audre Lorde, Barbara Jordan, Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, Lori Lightfoot, RuPaul, and many others are instrumental leaders of their time.
It’s my belief that at this challenging intersection of Black and queer, one can blossom into a place of leadership. Because it matters, we should take a moment to celebrate, to learn from, and even to follow.
Happy Black Pride to our Black family. We see you, we support you, and we can’t wait to witness the private and public victories you will achieve. You are loved.
Learn more with Brown University’s LGBTQ reading list at brown.edu/campus-life/support/ lgbtq/graduate-student-resources/queer-theoryreading-list and visit AtlantaBlackPride.org for more information.
Helmut (@helmut_smile) is the Founder and Co-Host of The Gayly Dose, an Atlanta-based podcast hosted by an all-gay cast. Unique in its mission and follow-on format, weekly episodes are known for their real conversations about things that matter to the community and their listeners. Purposefully candid and brutally honest, the cast speaks on a range of topics including monogamy, body issues, coming out, dating apps and growing up gay in the church. Listen at thegaylydose.com.