COLIN MCENROE
Wonder what makes legislature go haywire? Hayfever
If anybody ought to have profound sympathy for people who do things at the freakin’ last minute, it’s the General Freakin’ Assembly!!!
My new theory about the Connecticut General Assembly is that it meets at the wrong time. Or perhaps it does things in the wrong order. Maybe, like so many things the General Assembly does in late May and early June, my theory is hastily assembled and sloppily reasoned.
For decades, I have blamed the inadequacies of the General Assembly on (a) Drinking. (If people knew how much drinking goes on in the Capitol during the session, it would scare them so much they would need a stiff drink to calm down. Things will only get worse when marijuana is legalized.) (b) Letting everything drift until the last minute. (c) Getting very little sleep. (d) Not being spectacularly bright to begin with. (e) Operating on very little sleep. (I said the sleep thing twice just to see if exhausted drunk people would notice.)
I’m not backing away from any of those. But now I’m wondering if having crunch time coincide with allergy season is such a terrific idea. This year, I suspect the trees have come up with a plan to halt climate change by killing us. Most people I know, including me, have been coughing, eye-wiping, sneezing and gulping Benadryl (which interferes with a person’s thought process in a way that is not made clear on the box).
Wednesday night was like every other closing night for the GA. There were so many bills trying to jump onto the consent calendar that “debate” in the House came to resemble the speech of Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein. “Good bill. Should pass. Hulk like.”
Debating anything would effectively kill it. This law of the jungle was keenly grasped by Senate minority leader Len Fasano who — in opposing an election reform bill — went full-on Marvel Comics villain: “If this bill comes out, other bills will die.” Thank you, Sen. Thanos.
That election reform bill was an important and worthy measure. Everybody knew the Republicans didn’t like it. Republicans have this weird national self-image problem which they repeatedly express in the thought pattern: “If more people vote, fewer of us will get elected.” Get therapy, Republicans!
Now, Democrats. I — and other people — have tried to tell you this many times in the past, but somehow it doesn’t pierce the zombie fog of the last five vodka, pineapple juice and Claritin cocktails you ingested. Let’s try one more time.
There are way more of you than there are Republicans. You can pass anything (except a constitutional amendment) if you all agree on it. Anything! The only way this power can be taken away from you is if you wait too long. Filibuster is the only arrow in the Republican quiver, and they can only use it when there’s a deadline.
If you know the Republicans hate a bill, bring it out in early April. Sen. John Kissel is not going to go from Valentine’s Day to Easter holding a mic and reminiscing about his childhood in the Indian Guides (although I do regard that particular filibuster, conducted in 2008, as a truly great legislative moment. Kissel’s Indian Guides name was Running Deer.)
Maybe I should say it in final-night Hulk-speak. Bill come out early, bill pass. Nobody stop bill. Bill come out last day, Thanos use Infinity Stones to destroy. OK?
The elections bill was meant to address some of the problems that cropped up on Election Day when people decided at the last minute they wanted to register and vote. Can I say the obvious? If anybody ought to have profound sympathy for people who do things at the freakin’ last minute, it’s the General Freakin’ Assembly!!!
The bill would have automatically registered you to vote when you did your business at the Department of Motor Vehicles, unless you opted out or died while waiting there. It would have digitized those registration records. It would have allowed some cities to set up multiple Election Day registration sites. It would have allowed parolees to vote.
That last thing probably should have been in a separate bill, not because it’s a bad idea but because it allowed the Republicans to pretend to care passionately about it, which I very much doubt they do.
Some of this stuff can be fixed administratively, although it’s always nice if there’s a clear law.
Personally, I think they’ve got it backward. If they allowed you to renew your driver’s license and turn in your old plates when you vote, turnout would be sky high.
But there may some holes in my thinking. I’ve had a lot of Benadryl and seven Drambuies