Mom’s picky eating mortifies reader

Dear Amy: I married into a Korean family. (I’m not Korean.)

My mother lives nearby. She is very closed-minded about food. She won’t try new things, and rarely goes to restaurants, because she tends to nitpick every part of the meal, or say that some ingredient “disagrees” with her.

Recently, my in-laws threw a big party at their house, to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday. The party was catered, featuring mostly Korean food.

They invited my mother to the party. Knowing that she was likely going to have issues with the food, I gave her a heads-up so she could plan accordingly. She said, “Don’t worry about me,” and so I didn’t.

At the party, she immediately stated that she “couldn’t eat a thing.”

My very sweet father-inlaw paid special attention to her, to encourage her to try something. A few minutes later, I looked out and saw my mother-in-law firing up the grill in order to cook a single hamburger for my mom, while everyone else sat down at the table and enjoyed the catered food.

While everyone was polite, I was incredibly embarrassed at my mother’s closedmindedness and stubborn behavior.

I want her to get out of her comfort zone. I also don’t want to exclude her, just on the basis of her picky eating habits. What would you recommend?

Dear Perturbed: The way you present this, your mother behaved in a way that was both rude and entitled.

Whether her disordered eating is caused by health problems or specific foodbased fears, is something that she should sort out. If she wants to expand her cuisine, and be less limited and fearful, she should seek medical and/or therapeutic help. Her eating problems are definitely interfering with her enjoyment of some everyday experiences.

In the future, you should encourage her to bring her own food in a container. She could very easily say, “I have a very limited diet, so I need to bring my own food whenever I eat away from home.” She should not make any pointed, critical, or specific remarks about the food offered.

You (and she) should also offer heartfelt gratitude to your in-laws for being so kind and hospitable.