Sibling abilities
Abilis workshop supports kids who have siblings with a disability
“I felt like I had to be perfect in school, I have to be this perfect kind of model child all the time, so it’s not an added pressure to my parents.” Mary Kate “M.K.” Blum of Greenwich, 16
GREENWICH — Growing up with a sibling who has a disability has been challenging, at times, for 16-year-old Mary Kate “M.K.” Blum.
Her childhood has been filled with a feeling of intense pressure to always “be perfect,” especially when her older sister Brinkley was challenged by the circumstances of living with autism.
M.K. vividly recalls seeking refuge in the school bathroom years ago, crying in the stall after fellow students taunted Brinkley over her autism diagnosis.
“I felt like I had to be perfect in school, I have to be this perfect kind of model child all the time, so it’s not an added pressure to my parents,” she said, describing the false persona she put up to pretend nothing was wrong.
“Sometimes, you can feel very lonely, because you feel like your sibling is getting all this attention that you’re not. And you understand that they have special needs, but it’s just hard to go through that … and it’s hard to cope with,” M.K. said.
Abilis, a Greenwich-based nonprofit serving more than 700 individuals with disabilities and their families, has relaunched a program aimed at assisting
individuals like M.K., who have a brother or sister living with a disability.
Sibshops, aimed at kids in the range of the 10-to-14 age group, are high-spirited and fun workshops that provide a safe space for participants to share about their unique experiences. It also provides recreational activities and information for siblings, who endure rewarding but challenging experiences, according to the Sibling Support Project, which created Sibshops.
The program was previously run by Abilis, but ended in 2013 due to funding issues and high staff turnover.
Abilis leaders said they decided to revive the program after community outreach brought comments from families, who said their children without disabilities needed a peer group support program where they could connect with others who know what they’re going through, said Amy Montimurro, president and chief executive officer of Abilis.
“The siblings of children with special needs are absolutely an at-risk population, and do tend to be overlooked,” Montimurro said.
“The pressure to achieve in this group is really intense. There’s a lot of evidence of over-identification, guilt, embarrassment and a lot of isolation that M.K. referred to. There’s a lot of concern and a lot of resentment for their siblings and really having this opportunity to talk through that with other peers is just ... incredible and needed,” she said.
The virtual events, occurring from 5 to 6:30 p.m. once a month on a Wednesday, costs $40 per student. For students enrolled in the Greenwich Public Schools, the fee will be paid by the school district.
Maddy Schulte — a case manager, healthy relationships and self-advocacy instructor at Abilis — is co-facilitating the program with M.K. — a Greenwich Academy student and volunteer secretary on Abilis’ Youth Board.
During the recent first session, each participant drew a self-portrait and later added their sibling to their artwork. The group members then splintered off into breakout rooms on Zoom and found things they had in common. In the next session, they plan to learn about coping strategies to use when their siblings experience challenges stemming from their disabilities, Schulte said.
“I didn’t have that,” M.K. said. “I never knew that other kids my age were going through the same thing as me.”
Abilis chose to work with the 10- to-14-year-old age group because, program leaders said, it can be difficult for kids in that age bracket to process their own emotions, “let alone” understand that there are others experiencing the same feelings.
Abilis leaders said they plan to expand the program and invite anyone interested to reach out to join the next session. No one will be turned away, and the program will be hosted in-person “postCOVID concerns,” Montimurro said.
“We just want the community to know that it’s available, especially right now,” she said. “It’s a really unique program for families to take advantage of.”
To register for the program, visit, abilis.us/calendar. For other questions, email Maddy Schulte at schulte@abilis.us.