Woman wants to get out of her head
Dear Amy: I recently received some news, and went to tell my husband. I didn’t realize that I was interrupting a work issue, and he snapped and said, “You don’t have to tell me everything, and ask so many questions.”
Later that day, my boss had an hour-long talk with me about how I’m not enough of a team player.
My husband later apologized (it’s incredibly rare for him to show frustration like that), but now I can’t get that day of my head.
I’ve always been a chatty, outgoing person. I’ve been raised to ask questions if I don’t know the answers. I’m enthusiastic and when I show an interest in something, I love hearing what people have to say.
I can’t stop thinking that I’ve actually just been annoying people my whole life, and that my co-workers, who I thought I got along with, may find me hard to work with.
We have just started a fertility journey, which has me worried. My mom has had some health concerns, and I’ve been helping her out.
Plus, the pandemic. I know there are real stressors out there.
But that one day has me thinking that just being ME is wrong, that I’m annoying, and that I need to fundamentally change.
How can I get out of my own head?
Annoying
Dear Annoying: My theory is that the pandemic has caused many of us to journey — perhaps too far — into our own heads.
Let’s establish that “being you” is NOT wrong, but stress will amplify some habits and insecurities.
It is normal to ruminate about a challenging job review, but when you are confronted with critical feedback, the healthiest thing to do is to use it to make whatever adjustments you can.
You received an hour-long directive from your boss, but you don’t offer specifics. Is that because you weren’t able to hear anything beyond, “You’re not enough of a team player,” due to the whooshing sound in your head?
It is a challenge to pause and actively listen, when you are an enthusiastic talker. Some of your questions might seem redundant to people who believe they have already addressed them — were you listening?
You cannot change your temperament, but you CAN change your habits.