Waking up with the dawn in 2021

Have you ever woken up with the dawn? The darkness of the previous night intermingles with the pink and yellow hues of the rising sun, like a thread of gold across the horizon. I’d like to think that these soft colors are the last bit of magic leftover from our dreams the previous night. Perhaps making wishes on shooting stars was all wrong. Maybe we should all wish on the morning sky, and the way the tree branches look like veins and arteries against the backdrop of a Monetlike masterpiece.

But the magic fades as the sun rises. Daylight gives us scenes so vivid, the magic becomes a whisper in our ears, as opposed to a kiss on our lips. It’s important to remember moments like these — where darkness and light dance in unison on the horizon; we are privileged to be able to bask in it as we drink our morning coffee.

While the shadow of the year 2020 haunts us, let us honor the pain of the past year. Push back against the feeling that the year 2021 is an entirely new beginning.

New Year’s Eve often feels like we’re staring at a blank piece of paper, knowing that the professor expects our best work. Our pen hovers over the page, and we become too afraid to write. Improvement is necessary for growth, but so are mistakes. For some, that same feeling we have when we turn the page to a new year might trigger unwanted memories of past mistakes.

Poems go unwritten. Love letters are left to the recesses of the mind.

I could have done it better.

I should have pushed myself more. Everything failed last year; this year I will triumph!

What is it about fresh starts and new beginnings that is often triggering? The same harshness of a new page can sometimes be felt in the pressure to have a new year be worthy of whatever superlative we force upon it.

What a harsh way to begin again! Why force a narrative of perfection and flawlessness on a new year? This kind of rigidity goes against the narrative of what it means to be a human being. Even the dawn honors its shadows. The most beautiful of sunrises contain the darkest shadows from the night before.

There is never going to be an entirely fresh start.

There is never going to be a fully new beginning.

You are here because of all your flaws, all of your mistakes. Why erase those? Instead of imposing a standard of perfection on the pages of 2021, honor your weaknesses and areas of opportunity. Learn from them. Study them. Reintegrate those insights into your life, so that you can use them to propel yourself toward being a wiser and more gentle human.

While it is true that the year 2020 has brought tragedy and calamity, both on a global and personal scale, remember to look behind you as you walk forward. Do not forget your journey. Celebrate the fact that you are here now, in this moment. Be gentle with your past self. Integrate your past into this new year, and accept your 2020 self as an integral part of your 2021 self.

It is often in the absence of things where we find the beauty of what remains. So keep wishing on shooting stars and early mornings. Allow yourself to gently mourn the passing of 2020, while also stepping into this year with gentleness and grace.