Neighbor intrudes on backyard oasis

Dear Abby: I am a 40-something single mother of two teens. A 24-year-old neighbor with a young daughter moved in next door a couple years ago after her divorce. She recently joined the workforce, and being a single working mother for the last year and a half has been a difficult adjustment for her. When she sees me outside, she comes over to vent. She seems incapable of just giving a friendly wave and going about her day.

I like to garden in peace. She has actually come into my yard, sat on my lawn and complained while I continued weeding.

She prefaces it by telling me she doesn’t want advice; she just wants to vent. I value my alone time. I don’t want to listen to her woes.

How do I communicate to her that I don’t want a visitor when I’m working in my yard? I know her feelings will be hurt. Help!

Private in the Midwest

Dear Private: Tell your neighbor she needs to find another person to vent to because your gardening activities are the way you cope with your own problems, and you prefer to do that without company. Then suggest she find a comparable activity for herself that may serve the same purpose. She may not like hearing it, but you will be free.

Dear Abby: My husband has withdrawn himself from my family. I sense my niece resents it. She’s 53 and has a teenage son. I believe she thinks we don’t see each other because we don’t love them. I can’t explain what’s going on with my husband to her. I want to explain to my family and maybe make excuses for his behavior, but I don’t think it would change much.

I realize COVID-19 has kept families apart, and this may not be a good time to try to become closer. I have expressed my feelings to my husband, but it never turns out well. He lost his mom two years ago, and his depression has gotten worse. He wants nothing to do with my family.

Things are good between the two of us apart from this issue. What can I do?

Choosing Sides in Canada

Dear Choosing: Do not allow him to separate you from your family. Stay in touch as much as you can, and once the quarantines are finished, visit with them. Explain your husband’s absence by letting your relatives know WHY your husband is acting this way and that he needs compassion and understanding, not judgment.