Ex unaware rape destroyed marriage

Dear Abby: Thirty-five years ago I was raped by a stranger. He told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. I never told my husband (now ex-), mostly because I was afraid if I did he would never touch me again. So I lived with the secret. It tore our marriage apart and we divorced.

Although we have both moved on and remarried, we have remained in touch. I am 60 now and he is 64. I yearn to tell him the story before one of us leaves this Earth. I want him to understand and hopefully forgive me for the events that drove us apart. The need to tell him is so strong, I cry about it. Please advise me on this.

Still Not Over It in Maryland

Dear Still Not Over: If it will bring you comfort, reveal the secret you hid from your ex-husband. However, before you do, I urge you to first disclose it to someone trained to help victims of rape. If there’s a rape treatment center near you, please make an appointment.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married a year and a half. I sometimes get the feeling that he married me only because he was tired of being alone. He often compares me to his late wife, and he always commemorates both her birthday and the day she passed away.

What I have a problem with is, every year he posts happy birthday, and her name, on Facebook, but he never mentions my name on Facebook. Should I bring this up to him or just let him continue?

Current Wife in Texas

Dear Current Wife: By all means bring it up — all of it — and tell him how it makes you feel. That he would mention her birthday and not yours is insensitive.

Dear Abby: We invited friends over to enjoy our bounty from a successful fishing trip. They live about an hour away. They accepted our invitation, then followed up with, “Can you put us and our two dogs up overnight if we drink too much?” I replied that we meant the invitation for humans only this time. They replied, “We’re sorry you don’t want our wellbehaved ‘girls’ in your newly remodeled home.” And, they didn’t come! Was I wrong?

Animal Lover, But ...

Dear Lover: I’m feeling they overreacted. If you preferred they not bring uninvited guests, you were within your rights to refuse to have them. Please stop second-guessing yourself.