Beau’s ring choice disappoints reader

Dear Abby: Over the weekend, while I was cleaning and reorganizing our bedroom, I found the engagement ring my boyfriend plans on proposing to me with. I didn’t know he was planning to ask the big question, and I’m thrilled that he is going to.

My problem is, I hate the ring he chose. It’s beautiful, but, Abby, it’s so big. I like dainty jewelry, and it is the complete opposite of anything I would ever choose for myself.

What do I do?

I suppose I should suck it up. He chose this ring for me, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Please tell me what to do.

Disappointed in Illinois

Dear Disappointed: If the size of the stone in the ring your boyfriend is giving you makes you uncomfortable, your response — after an enthusiastic “YES!!!” — could be, “But, darling, this stone is so large we will have to hire an armed guard to accompany me if I wear it outside the house. Are you sure it’s WISE for me to wear this every day? I would be very happy with something more modest, you know.”

Dear Abby: I have always been too kind and polite. I give money I shouldn’t, say yes to favors I don’t want to do and keep my mouth shut in situations where I should speak up. My best friend once told me I shouldn’t say what she needed to hear, but only what she wanted to hear.

I have been in therapy for two years now, and have finally reached the point where I’m learning to say no.

My friends and family are having a hard time with it. I broke up with the bestie because our relationship had been not only long, but also toxic and abusive. Other people I come in contact with now seem shocked if I say no or voice an opinion of my own. They then proceed to pressure me to change my mind, which makes me transform back into a mouse and comply so I won’t seem rude. How can I get them to understand — in a polite way — that I am changing for the better, which includes putting myself, my needs and my decisions between yes and no first?

Looking Out for Number One

Dear Looking Out: You and your therapist appear to have been doing some good work. You are becoming a new person. When you are pressured to change your opinion, what you should say is, “Intelligent minds can differ,” or, “I’m entitled to my opinion.” It’s the truth.