Boyfriend takes charge after couple moves into his house
I have been with the same man for almost 30 years. We are not married and have no children together. He is 15 years older than I am.
We have been living in his house for the past seven years. I feel more like a renter than a partner in this relationship. I give him money every month, and we sleep in separate rooms. He wants to control everything in his house, including how to clean, cook or what we eat. I bite my lip to avoid starting a confrontation.
He is a lifelong bachelor, while I have two adult children and a couple of grandkids. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I work all day; he doesn’t. I want to leave, but at the same time, I care and worry about him. What should I do?
Disillusioned in Illinois
Dear Disillusioned:
Quit biting your lip. Gather your courage and start an honest conversation with your housemate in which you tell him you have been unhappy with the status quo for a long time. Then outline the changes that would make you happy. If he isn’t willing to compromise, then pack your bags and leave because you will know the feelings you have for him are not mutual.
Dear Abby:
I’ve been “friends” with a woman for 25 years. For a time, we were best friends and did everything together, but we couldn’t be more different. It caused many fights and disagreements over the years. She has deeply hurt and embarrassed me countless times. She ruined birthdays, damaged other relationships -- even ruined my bachelorette party. I don’t know why I still bother with her. I think because of our deep roots, it’s hard to let go.
At the moment, we haven’t spoken in more than two months, and I know she’s upset with me yet again. Should I reach out and mend the bond? Do I use this as a stepping stone to start moving on? I love her, but I know it really is a toxic relationship.
Off Again in New
Jersey
Dear Off Again: Please reread the last sentence of your letter. Do not bother reaching out and trying to mend the breach in your relationship. You cannot fix what’s wrong with this old friend, but you can move on. Her silence is giving you the opportunity. Take it!
Dear Abby:
My son is getting married in a couple of weeks. Due to COVID-19, he and his fiancee are having to downsize the list of invitees.
This includes asking those who have already RSVP’d “yes” and/or have already given them a wedding gift not to attend. Should they return the wedding gifts to those they are disinviting to the wedding?
Wondering in the
South
Dear Wondering:
Your son and his fiancee should at least offer to return the gifts. Considering the reason for the downsizing, some of the no-longer-invited guests may tell them to keep them along with their good wishes, while others will not.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17, 2021
Taurus Moon Rules St. Patrick’s Day
Saint Patrick of Ireland was kidnapped, enslaved and starved before finally being reunited with his family and ultimately helping thousands of Irish people survive horrific circumstances. The role of luck is debatable here, and perhaps as we celebrate the luck of the Irish, we can also celebrate the tendency of fortune to eventually favor perseverance.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). There’s no ideal condition for bringing out the best in a human. What works for one person is useless for another. Whatever condition makes you want to be where you are -- that’s the right one for you today.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Whatever you do, get warmed up for it. When you’re warm, you’re supported internally. You can trust yourself. Just as cold muscles are prone to injury, cold states of being are prone to mistakes.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’re that risk-taker who is beloved because you’re not afraid to be yourself. If they laugh, even better. You welcome levity whether you come by it accidentally or on purpose. All will be raised by you.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Maybe you’re not sure what you have to say, but you can be sure that you have something to say. Think and write about it. Talk it over. Others will benefit from hearing your unique take.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). It makes you feel cool when you give recommendations that others turn out to love or spread awareness about a piece of culture that opens minds and brightens worlds. Guess what? You ARE cool. Share your good taste today.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You never know how loved ones are going to respond to your work. They might be jealous that the work got your attention and not them. Or they might be over the moon. Go forward, seeking neither permission nor blessing.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Even the hard-boiled pragmatist you know will soften and bend to your whimsical charms because, bottom line, you’re fun. Life is more interesting when you’re giving that carefree part of yourself.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). It doesn’t matter that some come by certain proficiencies easier than others. For the current task, what’s required is a willingness to break down the learning to the right-sized chunk and then practice until you know it well.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Fight your two biggest enemies: fear and distraction. You might also consider that distraction is fear in disguise. It’s an excuse that fear uses to keep you from dedicating yourself to what you really want.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). When the environment is habit-forming, the person doesn’t have to be. Take pressure off yourself by being in the location that will do the heavy lifting for you because it’s structured and organized around a particular task.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). As humans, we have a limited understanding of our own motives. What you do know is that, at the very least, you’re trying to create unity, not discord. With this as your lodestar and the willingness to check yourself, move forward.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Solid organization helps you deal with the unexpected. And more importantly, it allows you to be confident and relaxed whether things are going to plan or not.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (March 17). You may not believe you have mystical power, but that won’t stop unexplained and wondrous events from happening to you. A secret wish will be answered. You’ll find a sort of treasure when you follow through on an uncanny feeling for where to “dig.” And you’ll be credited for making all the difference for someone. Libra and Taurus adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 30, 22, 14, 4 and 17.
ARIES SECRET SUPERPOWERS: Every sign has ‘em! With the sun headed toward the start of the zodiac, let’s do a rundown, starting with ARIES.
The Obvious: Aries is brave with a warrior’s heart, high-energy, vivacious and the embodiment of verve.
The Uncanny: The way this sign manages adrenaline in the body is mysterious and mighty impressive. Aries has been known to go without sleep and be oddly sane and intelligent the next day.
The Weird: Aries can easily recognize people from the back by the shape of their head and seldom get it wrong.
The Extremely Useful: Even though this sign has a strong strain of individuality, group mentality is a no-brainer for Aries. Aries can switch from me-think to group-think on a dime. This is a particularly great strength to lean on at work or in team sports.
The Quietly Helpful: Aries natives don’t worry as much as some other signs. They have to be taught to be fearful of unlikely outcomes. If they are not taught this, they are sources of great comfort to their peers who struggle with anxiety and doubt. When an Aries extends a hug or a reassuring pat on the back to someone who is feeling afraid, the energy that’s exchanged can make a remarkable difference.
CELEBRITY PROFILES: Actor and activist Rob Lowe is among a select group of celebrities who seem able to defy time itself and remain perennially ageless. Maybe it’s his youthful Mercury and Jupiter in Aries! Those fire-sign aspects are getting plenty of play lately in Lowe’s heroic role as a firefighter in “9-1-1: Lone Star.” Lowe is an artistic Pisces with Mars in this psychic and sensitive sign, too.