Guymon Daily Herald

Changing mascots: University of Indiana becomes the Red Foxes

- Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizati­ons around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamil­ton.com.

HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?

The University of Indiana-Fort Wayne became the latest college to change its mascot Tuesday to be politicall­y correct. They'll now be known as the Red Foxes. Students agreed Red Foxes was a mascot name that's not crude or offensive, that is until somebody saw a YouTube of Sanford and Son.

National Football League teams cut their rosters to fiftythree players Tuesday. Former MVP quarterbac­k Cam Newton was sent packing by the New England Patriots and put on the next plane out of town. President Biden called his performanc­e in training camp an extraordin­ary success.

President Biden spoke to the nation Tuesday and took credit for the success of the airlifting of refugees from Kabul Airport while he blamed Trump for the evacuation debacle. It didn't go unanswered. Jimmy Carter just released a statement blaming Gerald Ford for the 1979 hostage crisis.

President Biden declared the evacuation of Afghanista­n an extraordin­ary success Tuesday. I don't know. Biden also says the voyage of the Titanic was an extraordin­ary success when you consider it made it most of the way across the ocean and thirty-one percent of the passengers survived.

President Biden called the Afghan pullout an extraordin­ary success as we got ninety percent of the Americans out. Then I've also had extraordin­ary success in long-term relationsh­ips with women. Ninety percent evacuated on their own and the ten percent who tried to stay had to go into hiding.

California Governor Gavin Newsom appears this week to be in real trouble, at risk of getting recalled and replaced by conservati­ve Larry Elder. It's getting nasty. This week, Democrats released an old yearbook photo of Larry in a college musical and claimed that it shows him performing in blackface.

The Los Angeles Times reported a surge in patient complaints about shoddy health care in Los Angeles.

Just last week, I went in for a routine exam, and it went painlessly until the doctor put on a glove and used his middle finger to check my prostate. I think it's time for me to change dentists.

The Pentagon said the U.S. might work with the Taliban to battle AlQaeda and State dangled cash to the Taliban if they'll behave along Western norms. Tuesday in Kabul, the Taliban was reportedly going doorto-door. The top guy sold three U.S. armored Humvees and an attack helicopter.

The Taliban partied this week by flying abandoned Apache attack helicopter­s over Kandahar and driving in machine gun-mounted U.S. vehicles. It's all thanks to the evacuation. How shrewd did Biden turn out to be now that Russia has a hostile neighbor to the South that's armed to the teeth.

New York plans next week to mark the twentieth anniversar­y of Osama bin Laden's attack on the Twin Towers and escape to Afghanista­n. The comedy never ends in Washington. The same government who spent 20 years to replace the Taliban with the Taliban is now waging a war on Covid.

President Biden raised eyebrows while discussing Covid precaution­s last week when he advised parents that proper child raising includes masking up the kids for school. Joe did such a fine job of raising Hunter that Charlie Sheen ended up hosting his interventi­on. I had to be onstage that night.

Hurricane Ida dissipated into a tropical storm on the Eastern Seaboard. Louisiana's governor praised residents for taking advance safety measures and shuttering businesses and boarding up the windows in stores and houses. By that measure, Detroit had been hurricane-ready for forty years.

Impeachmen­t: An American Crime Story on FX details the perils of Bill Clinton's presidency in the 1990s. Republican­s pursued him with hound dogs every day. Right after his second term, Bill Clinton became the only white Southerner in history to move to Harlem for his own personal safety.

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Argus Hamilton

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