Dear Abby: Son insists couple has obligation for grandkids' tuition
DEAR ABBY: What financial responsibility do parents have to their adult children and grandchildren? We are a blended family of 35 years. It is the second marriage for my wife and me, with four children and eight grandchildren. One child insists it is our responsibility to assist with the cost of educating his two children. Over the last 15 years, we have gifted him and his family well over $50,000. We are middle income, and trying to stay solvent enough to assure we are able to meet any unforeseen expenses of senior living while enjoying local arts and educational opportunities in our retirement. What is customary in other blended families? -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR WONDERING: Your son is off base, and you have every right to refuse this demand. The cost of raising and educating children is something that should have been taken into consideration before those children were born. This responsibility rests with him and his spouse, not with you, and I hope you will resist the impulse to alter your lifestyle to placate him. If you do otherwise, you may wind up in financial trouble.
Feud Between Siblings nears Tipping Point
DEAR ABBY: My husband and his sister had a huge falling out several months ago. It was a long time coming, and resulted in the two of them no longer speaking.
This week, we received an invitation from my sister-in-law for a family celebration. It was followed by an email to my husband saying that if he wants to come to the event, he first needs to "make it right by her and her family" and apologize for his behavior. My husband doesn't feel he did anything wrong and doesn't particularly want to go. He is now feeling manipulated to acquiesce because refusing an invitation to a family event will upset his mother. What should he do? -- WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES
DEAR WATCHING: Your husband is right. His sister is attempting to manipulate him. He should call or visit his mother, explain the entire situation to her, and warn her in advance that he won't be going.
Girlfriend Longs To Salvage Relationship
DEAR ABBY: What advice can you give me to get my ex-girlfriend back after I hurt her and broke her trust? It has been four months, and I have given her space and tried to improve myself. We work together, so seeing her every day and not talking to her is hard. I would like to fix things between us, but she's very stubborn. We talked every day and every minute of the day, and I lost my best friend and my partner whom I love so much. -- HER FORMER GIRLFRIEND IN KENTUCKY
DEAR FORMER G.F.: You obviously hurt your partner deeply when you broke her trust. If you haven't already told her how sorry you are and that you love her, you should. Then ask what you can do to rebuild her trust. If she still refuses to communicate after that, you may have to accept that the damage done to your relationship is not reparable and start looking for another job.
Wife Finally Explains Closetful of Unworn Jewelry
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my loving husband for 28 years. We have a great relationship, and are soul mates. On holidays and birthdays my husband is generous, but he buys me jewelry that suits HIS taste, not mine. He likes a specific style that I don't care for at all, so it sits unworn in my closet. After all these years, he finally asked me why I never wear the jewelry he gives me, and I politely replied that I don't care for that style of silver jewelry.
Well, last Christmas morning, what did I find under the tree? You guessed it! Another piece of that kind of jewelry. I kind of lost it and told him he was wasting his money, and I'd rather he would gift me jewelry that suits MY taste instead of his. I wasn't intending to hurt his feelings, but I did, and he was very angry.
Rather than honor my wish for something I can enjoy and appreciate, I'll probably never see another piece of jewelry from him. (By the way, he does this with vacations, too. He makes reservations without my input.) Was I wrong for finally expressing myself? Could I have handled it differently? -- NOT MY STYLE IN THE SOUTH
DEAR NOT MY STYLE: Your mistake was in allowing this problem to fester before leveling with your husband, who by now has wasted heaven-only-knows how much money on jewelry that isn't to your liking. The two of you seem to have a communication problem. He should have paid attention when you told him not to buy you any more silver jewelry, and he should consult you before unilaterally booking vacation reservations. But nothing will change unless you make it plain how you feel about these things, and if he is willing to listen.
Parents are moving the not-So-Empty nest
DEAR ABBY: I'm looking for advice for handling a big move my wife and I are making. We live in Florida and plan to move to West Virginia. We each came into our marriage with two kids. Hers are 25 and 20; mine are 22 and 20. We have worked hard during the 14 years we have been together, and we have decided that it's now time for "us."
Our girls, the 25- and 22-year-olds, seem to understand, but the boys are giving us a hard time. My wife is more susceptible to the "poor me" routines from the boys and seems to be wavering. We've left open the possibility of the boys coming with us, but they don't want to live in "boring" West Virginia.
My view is that the "boys" are no longer kids and can survive on their own.
I think we have set solid examples of how to live and work hard, and she and I deserve to do our thing at this time. Am I going about things the wrong way? -- FREE DAD IN FLORIDA
DEAR DAD: My question to you would be the extent to which those 20-year-olds are able to support themselves, or how long you plan to help them transition to independence. Are they still in school? Do they have jobs? Can they afford to live on their own? It's time for a family meeting in which everyone lays their cards on the table and options are discussed.